


The morning after.

by Rogue1987



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Drinking Games, Drunken Confessions, Family Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hangover, Heavy Angst, Homophobia, Isco is a little shit, M/M, Mild Smut, Morning After, Past Sexual Abuse, Resolved Sexual Tension, Sergio is worse, Sexual Confusion, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-17
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-04-21 05:56:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4817639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rogue1987/pseuds/Rogue1987
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes during a blue moon, Cristiano actually get's drunk.<br/>Add Isco, a party, truth or dare, a bottle of tequila and Karim to the mix and you are bound for trouble. </p><p>Aka a story about how Isco loves to play truth or dare, how Karim actually is forced to drink alcohol for the sake of the game, and where Cris get's dared into doing stupid things that have massive consequences.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The hangover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I watched the hangover a while ago and I couldn't help but write this.  
> I can't believe this is my first Cris/Karim story. But here it is.

_Madrid, 2015._

 

 

When Karim slid his heavy eyelids open, the first thing he noticed was his splitting, consuming headache.  
He felt like he had drank the entire bar of Isco's house last night and had a lot of trouble remembering what had happened at the party.

Isco had invited his teammates over for a last minute celebration after Cristiano scored his five goals against Espanyol and most of the team had come.  
Pepe, Marcelo and Luka had been the only exceptions.

Karim vaguely remembered shards of playing truth or dare and taking a shot of tequila, because Isco had dared him to do it, but that was pretty much the last thing that he remembered before he had blacked out.

He felt silk sheets cradling his body and figured that it must still be very early seeing how it was still pitch dark outside.

Wondering where he was, he started to look around, instantly feeling his stomach flip over in a grueling nausea and he had to calm himself by breathing in and out slowly so that he wouldn't throw up all over the bed.

The silk touched his bare back and Karim suddenly became painfully aware of the fact that he wasn't wearing _any_ clothes at all.  
As he wondered why in god's name he had taken his clothes off, a sudden movement to his left startled him.

There was somebody in the bed with him.

His heartbeat went through the roof as he tried to contain his horror, and he slowly turned around to try to see who was sleeping next to him.

In the dark he couldn't see much, but when he turned to his side he could see the familiar shape of a man's body.

As he leaned in closer, he smelled a very familiar perfume scent, mixed with sweat and another scent that he couldn't quite place and his heart stopped and sank into his stomach.

_It was Cristiano._

He could recognize that perfume anywhere seeing how Cris always wore the same fragrance.

Cristiano fucking Ronaldo was sleeping to his left, his breath even and contained and Karim was sure he was sound asleep.

Karim let out an involuntarily gasp and desperately tried to make his way out of the bed, as fast as he could.

But his clothes were somehow scattered all over the floor and as he leaned down to get them, his stomach played up again and this time he knew he couldn't stop himself from puking.

So he ran from the bed, feeling the entire room spin around him, hearing a stifled groan coming from the bed but he ignored it and headed for the nearest door, praying that he would end up in a bathroom and not a hallway.

Luckily he did and he ran inside, flicked the light switch on, locked the door behind him, fell to his knees and puked into the toilet, until he saw stars.

He sat there for a long time, puking his guts out, feeling utterly miserable and confused.

What the fuck had happened last night and why couldn't he remember any of it?  
This was exactly _why_ he never got drunk.

Fuck Isco and his stupid games that never lead to any good.

When Karim had finally stopped throwing up, he splashed some water on his face and drank a lot from a plastic cup that was standing on the sink.

He was thirsty as hell, and every limb and part of his body hurt him.

The light was way too bright, his head was killing him and when he examined himself closely he could see actual bite marks on his collarbone and in his lower neck.  
He slid his fingers over the markings and shivered at the pain they caused him.

He was so pale it was almost creepy and he sighed deep as he wondered what he had gotten himself into last night.

 _''Fucking hell,''_ he murmured as his mind kept racing about how those love bites ended up on him and he slid back down to the bathroom floor, his legs touching the soft shower mat that was displayed on the white floor.

He needed to go back into the bedroom to collect his clothes and get the hell out of there, but he was worried about waking Cris.

Still it had to be done, he couldn't stay on the bathroom floor forever, so he hauled himself up and decided that there was no time like the present.

He opened the door as quietly as he could, but he kept the light on in the bathroom so that he could see better in the bedroom and made his way back to the bed.  
The room was a complete mess.

Clothes were lying everywhere, an empty bottle of champagne was standing on the nightstand next to Cristiano's head and there was some sort of plastic wrapper next to his side of the bed.

Karim didn't dare to examine that any closer so he crouched down to his hand and knees like some scared pussy to search for his clothes and collected them as fast as he could.

Luckily Cristiano didn't wake up and kept on snoozing soundly.

Karim shot a worried gaze over his friend and noticed that Cristiano was bare chested as well and he prayed to whatever god was listening that Cris was wearing underwear and that nothing had happened between them.

But as he looked closer at the nightstand he could tell that the wrapper was actually a ripped open condom package.

His heart dropped, and the nausea made its way back to his stomach.

God, what the hell had happened last night? Had they fucked?  
His ass wasn't hurting at all and that thought comforted him a little.

To know that if they had done it, at least he hadn't been a bottom.

That would have been even more humiliating.

Karim shook his head stubbornly and decided that he simply refused to believe that he and Cris had done anything to each other.  
They had probably slept with some girls and somehow ended up without them in a bed together or something.

Yeah that made more sense.

The only problem with that theory was that Karim couldn't remember any girls being at the party.  
Maybe they had hired them or something, maybe Isco had called an escort service.

Yes that must have been it. Thinking of the alternative made him feel extremely uncomfortable.

When he had finally found everything he got dressed in the bathroom and slipped out of the other door and ended up in a hallway.  
He finally recognized where he was.

Still in Isco's house, the flamenco paintings, family photos and ugly rugs were telling him that.

The house was quiet and dark and he clapped his hands when he came down, knowing that Isco's light worked automatically, and they flicked on instantly.

His phone was in the back pocket of his jeans and he looked for his car keys but couldn't find them anywhere.  
Ah of course, he had let Cristiano drive him to the party.

Perfect, just perfect.  
Here he was, in the middle of the night, with absolutely no way of getting home without having to face Cris.

He could call a taxi of course, but he wasn't in the mood to see a stranger, besides: it was a long way home and he needed someone who wouldn't ask questions about the markings in his neck.

So he unlocked his phone, looked at the time, ( it was 4.30 ) let his finger hover over the selected number, hesitating for a while before finally pressing on the 'call' button.

At the third ring he finally heard a response.

 _''What?''_ Pepe's muffled voice bit out, sounding as tired as he was cranky.

Pepe hated to be woken up in the middle of the night but Karim didn't want to deal with Marcelo tonight, despite the fact that Marcelo would probably still be up thanks to the arrival of baby Liam who kept him up during the nights.

Marcelo asked too many questions and knew him too well.  
If he saw Karim in this state he would keep asking him everything until Karim finally confessed.

That was the last thing he needed tonight.

He needed someone who would take him home and leave it at that.  
''I'm s-sorry Pep,'' Karim choked out, feeling the humiliation tears bubble up in his eyes and Pepe sighed deep.

''What's wrong Benz? Are you okay?'' he asked a little more tentative.  
''No, I'm not-okay. I need some help,''

''What do you need?'' Pepe asked and Karim heard Ana Sofia asking what was wrong in Portuguese, Pepe replied quickly that everything was fine.

Karim didn't understand that much Portuguese but he had always been good at picking up key words in any language and being around so many Portuguese speaking players for such a long time had taught him the basic stuff.

''I need to be picked up from Isco's house,''

''I'll be right there,'' Pepe said and Karim exhaled relieved.

''Obrigado,'' he said and he meant it with all his heart.

Twenty excruciating and terrifying minutes later, where Karim did nothing but worry that Cris would come down and he would have to face their sins, Pepe's white Audi finally pulled up in the driveway where Karim was sitting on the patio.

Karim got up as quick as he could and opened the door to let himself in.

He shut the door, eyed Pepe for a second, shooting him a faint smile and put his seatbelt on.  
''Hey,'' he mumbled and Pepe shot him a small nod.

''Jesus you're a mess! What the hell happened to you?'' he asked but Karim shook his weary head.

''Please Pep, I really don't wanna talk about it okay? Please,''

''Okay, but please tell me you aren't _hurt_ or anything?''

''No I'm not hurt, I'm just extremely hungover,'' Karim admitted, realizing that he owed Pepe something at least, for dragging him out of his bed in the middle of the night.

Pepe's expression softened a bit as he turned the radio on quietly and he placed his hand on Karim's shoulder.  
''It's okay, you don't have to talk about it,''

''You're not surprised that _I'm_ hungover? Of all people?'' Karim asked and Pepe shrugged.

''Not really, Isco sent us a few pictures where we saw you drinking champagne straight from the bottle so I figured that you would be hungover,''

 _''Merde!_ Isco actually sent you guys pictures? Do you know what happened then?''  
''Don't you remember anything?'' Pepe asked, quickly connecting the dots as usual.

''No! I literally don't remember a thing!''

''Well maybe that's for the best,'' Pepe hummed wisely as he turned the wheel to he left and opened the windows to give Karim some fresh air, seeing how he had turned slightly green again.

''What happened Pep? Please tell me,'' Karim begged.

''Are you sure you really want to know? You may not like the truth,'' Pepe warned and Karim hesitated for a second, sighing deep, and changed his mind.

''No, you're right. I don't wanna know actually,''

''Well when I look at the love bites in your neck I would say that you had a pretty good evening, maybe you should just leave it at that and be happy with it,'' Pepe winked and Karim felt his cheeks flush and repressed the urge to throw up out of the window.

''Oh please don't say that, I already feel sick enough as it is,'' Karim coughed and Pepe handed him a bottle of water from the backseat.  
''Here, I figured you might need that, you must be thirsty,''

''Thanks,'' Karim smiled and he opened the cap and started drinking eagerly.  
Pepe pulled up Karim's driveway and halted at the front door.

''Hey look: if you feel like talking about it, you know where to find me all right?'' he said, placing his hand on Karim's stone cold fingers and Karim nodded automatically, embracing Pepe tight.

 _''Merci mon frère,''_ he whispered in Pepe's ear and he kissed his cheek.

''You're welcome hermao, now go and get some sleep okay. And drink lots of water when you wake up again,'' Pepe ordered and Karim shot him a small smile.

''I will, thanks,''  
''See you tomorrow, don't be late for training,''

''I won't be,'' Karim hummed and he left the car, waved Pepe off and went to bed, to fall into a quick and dreamless sleep.

A buzz from his phone woke him a few hours later and he saw that he had missed two calls from Cris.

His heartbeat was suddenly racing in his throat as he received an app.  
_'Where the hell did you_ _go?'_ it read and he bit on his lower lip, wondering what he should sent back.

Obviously Cris' memory of last night exceeded his own and Karim knew that there was no way out of this.  
He had to face the music.

Cristiano obviously remembered how they ended up in a bed together, even if he didn't, and therefor they had to talk about it.  
There was no way out of it.

That was just Cris being Cris. He could never let anything slide.

Karim grabbed his phone and pondered at the screen for a while, wondering what to reply.  
_'Home,'_  he typed back and sent the message, his mind foggy with fear.

It was still early, only seven, thirty but Cris had always been an early bird.  
_'Why?'_ the Portuguese sent back and Karim shivered.

 _'You know why,'_ he typed and after he sent it, there was a long radio silence, which told Karim that Cris was probably offended and pouting.

A few minutes later Karim slid out of bed and stepped into the shower, desperately trying to rinse the scent of alcohol and Cristiano's perfume off his body.

He had wondered if Pepe had smelled that on him in the car.

Pepe who knew Cris better than anyone, surely would recognize Cris' scent all over his body.  
That thought had only now entered his mind and it made him feel nervous again.

When he was done showering, he examined himself in the mirror again. He looked like a fucking wreck.  
The love bites extended to his stomach, covering the soft skin near his navel and he even found some on his inner thighs.

He shuddered at the sight of them and quickly put his clothes on, wishing he could wave a magic wand to erase them from his system.

He had never felt more like a whore in all his life.

When he came downstairs he saw a very familiar figure sitting at his dinner table, reading the paper.  
He gasped and let out a small yelp when Cristiano turned around and looked at him with a sharp gaze.

He was wearing his favorite pair of dark blue jeans and a gray top was clasped around his powerful torso.

''Bonjour Benz,'' he said, his jaw tightening as he put the paper down and folded his hands together, like a teacher who's about to reprimand a bad student.

''How the _hell_ did you get in?'' Karim asked, more dumbfounded than angry and Cris triumphantly held up Marcelo's colorful keychain and rattled it in front of his nose.

''I happen to have friends with a key,'' Cris said, his jaw clenched, his dark eyes grim.  
''So you just let yourself in?''

''Yeah, why not? Wasn't I allowed in after what happened last night?'' Cristiano pouted.

''I don't even remember anything from last night!''

''Oh really?'' Cris said skeptical as he turned his face, ''Is that why you sneak off in the middle of the night? Because you don't _remember_ anything?''  
''Yes actually!''

''That's real mature Benz,'' Cristiano sighed, shaking his head, disbelieving.

''Well what else was I suppose to do then?'' Karim snapped and Cristiano sighed again, a little deeper this time.

''I don't know, how about growing up and talking to me about it?'' he suggested but Karim shook his head.

''How can we talk about this? I mean I didn't even remember anything when I woke up! I just saw you in the bed, and the condom, the booze, I just-I panicked all right! So I ran the hell out of there,''

''Do you want some coffee?'' Cris suddenly asked, after a long silence had lingered in the air.

''Yeah sure,'' Karim shrugged and Cris got up to make them a cup of espresso and handed it to Karim before sitting down next to him again, closing in a bit, invading Karim's space with the same boldness that he always displayed on the pitch.

''Thanks,''

''So do you want me to do the talking then?'' Cris asked and Karim placed his head in his hands and swallowed hard.

''Do we really have to? Can't we just pretend that nothing happened?''

''Maybe you can do that Benz, but I can't. Look please don't think that I sleep around with lots of guys or that I take sex lightly because I don't.

Not even when I'm drunk. So please don't think that I think you're a cheap whore now or something like that because I would never think that about you,'' Cris explained and Karim frowned deep.

''Why would I think I'm a whore?''

''You were worried about that last night, when we...well when we got started, so to speak. You kept repeating that if you did this, you would just be one of my whores. I had to convince you otherwise, which worked after a while,'' Cris said, gnawing on his lower lip anxiously and Karim frowned deep.

''So you basically tricked me into fucking you? That's basically what you're saying, that I didn't want to do this but you _persuaded_ me otherwise! Thanks a lot,'' he lashed out and Cris paled.

''No! That's not what I meant! It didn't happen like that! You _have_ to listen to me, please...'' Cris shouted, gesturing his arms wildly, losing his self control with each second.

''Well why don't you tell me how it happened then? Because I can't imagine ever wanting to go that far with you, nor with any man for that matter!''

Cris extended his hand, probably an attempt to sooth Karim by gently brushing their fingers together but Karim flinched and moved away from the touch.  
''Please don't do that!'' he hissed and Cris retracted his arm quickly, looking as if he'd been stung by a poisonous animal.

''Well I'll start at the beginning then: it all started out with Isco and Sergio's _stupid_ plan to play truth or dare, which is never a good idea, for anybody, let me just clarify that.

It started innocently enough, like that fucking game _always_ does but the questions quickly became more personal and the dares became more insane.

Isco dared you to take a shot of tequila, mostly to challenge yourself, seeing how you don't drink and you did it.

So after that they kept feeding you champagne and you and I got tipsy fast, seeing how you kept sharing your glass with me so you wouldn't have to drink everything yourself.

Isco's final dare was the decisive one: he dared me to kiss the most attractive guy in the room.

And so I got up, walked toward you and pressed my lips against yours and-'' Karim suddenly shivered and raised his hand in the air, silencing the other man.

''Whoa whoa whoa! Why in god's name would you wanna kiss me and not James? Or Sergio for that matter? No fucking way I was the most _attractive_ guy in that room and you know it,''

''I'm not interested in James or Sergio, you should know that by now,'' Cris reprimanded but Karim let out a humorless laugh.

''Yeah and you are interested in me?'' he blurted out, semi sarcastic, semi dead serious.

''Yes, why wouldn't I be? And you are very attractive _to_ _me_ Benzi,''  
Karim blushed and shook his head.

''Shut up, don't embarrass me!'' he said but he couldn't prevent that small smile from escaping his lips.

''You are attractive to me, and I wouldn't lie to you- _ever_ ,'' Cristiano vowed as he ghosted his lips over Karim's cheek, making him shudder with the gesture.

''Please don't-'' Karim choked out, voice thick with a mixture of anger and desire.  
Cristiano pulled back again and sighed, a hint of disappointment on his beautiful face.

''Why are you fighting me so much on this?''

''Because it's _wrong_ okay, in my culture it's not normal for two guys to be-well you know,''

''Oh come on that can't be the problem for you! There is no way that this was your first time with a guy,'' Cristiano said but Karim heard the unasked question in the last sentence and he blushed deep.

''Oh my god, it was your first time with a guy?'' Cris said, jaw dropping and he placed his head in his hands groaning loud.  
''Yeah it was,''

''But what about that guy Griezman? I was sure-''

''No, I never fucked him, or even kissed him because I don't want him you idiot. I don't want any man!''

''Well I don't wanna sound too confident here but last night you definitely seemed to want me,''  
''That was the booze stupid! _Putain!_ How stupid can you be Cris!''

''Hey alcohol doesn't _change_ who you are Karim, it just _reveals_ it! And trust me: I didn't force you to do anything with me.  
After we kissed-in front of all our teammates I might add- I went to bed, _alone_ , right there in the guest room. Guess who paid me a nocturnal visit a few minutes later?'' Cris shouted and Karim felt the ground drop from under his feet.

''Wait-I came to you? _I_ _initiated_ _all_ _this?''_

''Damn right you did, which is why I thought that you had slept with guys before. You certainly didn't say anything about it being your first time with a guy so I just assumed that you were experienced.

Specially when I noticed how good you were at pretty much _everything,''_ Cris said, slowly licking his lower lip, wantonly.

''Well that's awesome isn't it? I had sex with a guy, which is a sin in my culture and I can't even remember it. Maybe that's a good thing though, makes it easier for us to forget about all of this shit,'' Karim mused, speaking more to himself than to Cris.

''What if I don't _want_  to forget about it?'' Cris asked and Karim fell into a deep silence.  
Cris moved closer to him again, placing his strong hand on the side of Karim's left cheek and he leaned in to press a small kiss to it.

Karim shivered and closed his eyes despite himself but moved away again, repressing the urge to lean in for more.

''You can't always get what you want Cris, not even you,'' he whispered as he placed his hand on top of Cristiano's.

''I know that, trust me I do. I just hoped-look we have a special bond on the pitch all right, you know that. We _always_ had that between us. 

We know exactly where to move, we know what we want from each other and we work together so well. Last night, in bed it was no different Karim. We moved like one, and again you seemed to feel exactly what it was that I wanted and needed and visa versa.

I have never felt more connected to someone during sex and no matter how hard I try, I can't forget about that. I don't want to, because for the first time in my life sex actually made me feel _whole_.

If you want to forget about all of this then I will agree to that, but it hardly seems fair seeing how you have no memory of how great it was and thus don't know what you're giving up.

Look I'm not asking you to do it again so that you can see it for yourself, but I'm just asking you to not decide anything just yet.  
Think about it for a little while before you shut me out forever.

Can you do that for me?'' Cris begged, his eyes foggy and Karim felt himself nod before he could even think this through.

''Thank you,'' Cris said, looking more relieved than Karim had ever seen him.

Karim leaned in this time, not really sure why he did it, probably because Cristiano had spoken so openly about his feelings, and wrapped his arms around his friend, embracing him tight.

Maybe it was just seeing Cris so vulnerable that persuaded Karim, because somehow he had broken through that wall that Cris always pulled up around everyone.

Something in him suddenly needed to be close to Cris, needed him to know that he was loved, despite everything, even if they would never be together. That Cris would always have him as his friend. 

''I should go,'' Cris mumbled against Karim's shoulder and as he looked up, their eyes locked and Karim nodded slow.

''All right,'' he smiled and Cris slid his fingers toward the bruises on Karim's neck and gently brushed them over the sensitive pale skin.

''Do they hurt?'' he asked concerned but Karim shook his head.  
''Nah it's not too bad,''

''You might wanna cover them up today, to prevent stupid questions,'' Cris suggested, looking almost disappointed at his own statement. As if he wished that all their teammates could see what he had done to Karim's neck.

''Yeah I will, got some bronzer left from Chloe somewhere,'' Karim shrugged.  
''All right, see you in a while,'' Cris said and he kissed Karim's cheeks, turned around and left.

''Bye,'' Karim said as the door fell shut and when he was alone he buried his face in his hands and felt two tears roll down his cheeks.  
How the hell had his life became so fucked up?

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked it! Please let me know what you think!  
> Comments make me write better. <3


	2. Whispers in the dark.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karim has never felt so confused in all his life.  
> He needs answers and there's only one way to get them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm back with a new chapter! I found myself pleasantly surprised with the amount of people who loved this pairing and this fic so I decided to make it a bit longer, as requested. 
> 
> This chapter is also long, but I hope you guys like it. 
> 
> Oh btw: I love Pepe, I use him as much as I can in all my fics because he doesn't get enough love. He's really a nice guy who needs cuddles and respect. 
> 
> Also: Melia is a bit older in this fic, she's a two year old toddler here.

_Valdebas_.

 

 

A sharp whistle went off near Karim's ear and he looked up startled.  
Jose, his fitness trainer was reprimanding him for not jumping and taking off when he had ordered him too.

Karim apologized and noticed that he was indeed the only one who hadn't made a move after Jose had blown his whistle.

The rest of the group was already running a lap and he just stood there, staring into the grass, searching for answers.

He had covered his neck with a thick layer of make up, hoping that nobody would notice Cris's love bites but he could tell from the sly looks Isco was giving Sergio that they _surely_ had seen it and he swore under his breath.

Arriving at training had been plain awkward, his teammates were all grinning at him like they all knew exactly what was going on, but none of them actually said something about it ( probably due to Pepe's stern looks, _bless_ that man ) so Karim chose to be an adult and ignore it and go on with the rest of the day like nothing had ever happened.

Like nothing had changed. Which was complete bullshit of course, because _everything_ had changed.

He noticed Cris staring at him from time to time during training, he could actually feel the dark eyes longing at him even if he didn't look but he forced himself not to look into them.

That would only confuse him even more, he reasoned.

Marcelo surprisingly hadn't joined in the teasing, but had taken it upon himself to watch Karim cautiously, as if he were worried he was going to do something stupid.

Karim loved Marcelo for that, he had always been such a true friend and he saw him as his little brother, and it was nice to know that he still had his back.

When training was finally over Karim, packed his bag as quick as he could, skipped the shower, which raised some curious eyebrows for he always showered there, and got the hell out and drove home, skipping a few red lights in the process.

Chloe brought Melia over that afternoon and his baby girl happily jumped into his arms, peppering his stubby cheeks with kisses.  
''Papa! I miss you,'' she babbled and Karim felt a warm smile spread over his face and he kissed her chubby little cheeks.

''I missed you too princess,''  
''So I'll be back tomorrow morning all right?'' Chloe said and Karim nodded.

''Okay, thanks,''  
She shut the door behind them and Karim went to made lunch for both of them, chocolate chip pancakes would do for today.

They were Melia's favorite and Karim had to admit that he was pretty good at baking them.  
''So what do you wanna do today?'' he asked when he shoved the final piece of pancake into his mouth and swallowed.

''Angeli! Can we go?'' Melia begged, her dark eyes shining hopeful.  
Ah of course.

Melia loved playing with Angeli and Emily, Pepe's little girls.

Seeing how Pepe lived just down the road, he had to go over every time Melia was with him, for Pepe's girls were far more interesting than Melia's poor old father.

 _''Again?''_ Karim sighed but Melia pouted her lips.

''I love uncle Pepe,'' she announced and Karim grinned. Of course she loved Pepe, who wouldn't?

''I know, it's all right, we can go,'' he said, giving in so easily mostly because he wanted to speak to Pepe too.  
He still _needed_ answers and Pepe was the best guy for that, now that Iker was gone that was.

Karim felt a painful twitch in his chest at the thought of Iker.  
He still missed him everyday for Karim wasn't the type of guy who handled change very well. He preferred it if things stayed the same.

Iker had been there for him during his entire career at Real and now that he was gone, Karim found himself a little lost.  
Luckily Pepe was still there, who was easily the next best thing but Karim found himself missing Iker more than he could say.

He packed Melia's rug sack with her favorite toys and put a coat on her before walking over to Pepe's house with her in his arms.  
He rang the bell and Ana Sofia's beautiful face appeared in the doorway.

''Bonjour Karim and the little princess,'' she smiled as she leaned in to kiss Melia's pale cheek.

''Hola auntie Ana!'' Melia chirped and she jumped into her welcoming arms.

Karim raised Melia with Spanish and French and also tried to squeeze in a few English words when he had the chance, knowing how handy it was to speak multiple languages.

You can't start too young with that.

''Come in, come in,'' Ana said and Karim followed her into the hallway.  
''Sorry we're barging in like this _again,''_ he mumbled but she shook her beautiful head.

''Nonsense, you are always welcome in our house and I know how much the girls love to play with Melia,''  
''Thank you, is Pep here?'' he asked and she nodded.

''He's in his study,''  
Karim left Melia with Ana and ran up the stairs, knocking on Pepe's white door.

''Come in,''  
So Karim did and Pepe's smile grew wider when he saw Karim in the doorway.

''Ah I wondered how long it would take you to come over,''  
''You knew I was coming?'' Karim asked confused.

''I always _know_ don't I? I'm not blind Benz and I saw how distracted you were during training, so I figured that you would go to someone to talk about what happened last night and I knew you would come to me because I offered you an ear, and here you are,''

''Here I am,'' Karim repeated and he sat down at the office chair, across from Pepe's desk and locked his eyes with his friend's.

''Whenever you're ready,'' Pepe said, folding his fingers together, putting his book down.

''I'm just lost Pep. I just-I don't know what to do or _how_ to feel. Cris came over this morning,''  
''I know, he told me,''

''He told you?''  
''Of course he told me, because just like you: he's confused and needed a friend,''

''What did he say to you?'' Karim asked, knowing that he was asking for a lot. He was asking Pepe to breach confidentiality between him and his best friend.

''Why don't you ask _him_ yourself?'' Pepe asked, the question seemed judgmental but Pepe's eyes were kind. It was merely a suggestion, not judgement.

''I can't Pep, I just-I want everything to make sense again! Nothing about this makes _any_ sense!'' Karim shouted, gesturing his arms into the air, only to realize that Cris did the same thing when he was losing his self control.

Great, yet another thing they had in common.

''Why don't you tell me what happened exactly,'' Pepe suggested and Karim inhaled deep and let out a large puff of air.

''He came over this morning and told me that I was the one who initiated us having sex in the first place. Well not exactly-'' he corrected himself for he is losing the time line thanks to his heavy head, ''-Isco had dared him to kiss the most attractive guy in the room when we were playing truth or dare, and Cris had come up to me and kissed me. It had started there, but I apparently liked it for I went into his bedroom that night and...well let's just say that the rest is history,''

''Ah so you _blame_ yourself for giving yourself so easily to Cris?'' Pepe summed up and Karim nodded miserably.

''Of course I do, Cris thought I had slept with guys before but I never have and I never wanted to. It's a _sin_ Pep!'' Karim cried out but Pepe placed his hands on top of Karim's and squeezed them gentle.

''That's the rational you talking, what does your heart tell you?'' he asked tentative and Karim huffed annoyed.

''It's a _heart_ Pepe, it doesn't have a voice! It's an _organ!_ It can't tell me anything,'' he mocked, playing the wise ass card but Pepe wasn't intimidated or impressed in the slightest.

''Be like that, real mature Benz,'' he said, shaking his head in disbelief.

''Well what do you want from me then?!''

''I want you to tell me the truth! What do you feel when you think about Cris!  
How did you _feel_ this morning when he hugged you right before he left?'' he asked and Karim's eyes went wide with shock. ''Yeah he told me about that! Just speak from the heart, not your stubborn, thick little head!'' he snapped, tapping his fingers to Karim's skull, his eyes a little darker now.

Karim's expression softened a bit as he shot Pepe an apologetic smile.  
''I'm sorry,'' he offered but Pepe shook his head.

''Apologies are just _words_ Karim, if you want to make it up to me you do so by telling me the truth,''  
Karim exhaled and stared at Pepe intently, his mind racing so hard that it made him feel dizzy.

''Well when he hugged me I felt...something,'' he started, almost whispering it as if the heartfelt thought was so fragile that it would go up in smoke if he said it any louder.

Pepe nodded slow and held onto his hands a bit tighter, sensing that Karim needed all of his strength to say this out loud.

Karim was silent for a long time, and Pepe didn't urge him to go on.

He knew he needed a moment to compose himself and to get his thoughts in order.

''Well it felt nice and warm, and strangely familiar you know. I mean we always hug a lot on the pitch when we score, but it was different now. It _felt_ different.  
Like it meant something now and wasn't just a friendly hug between two teammates, you know,'' he said and Pepe nodded slow.

''I understand,''

''It gave me shivers and made me feel-strange I guess. When he released me I-well a part of me wished that he hadn't done that. Like I wanted him to stay or something, but he left anyway,''

''Hmm and how did that make you feel?'' Pepe asked and Karim chuckled suddenly.

''Jesus I feel like I'm sitting at a shrink, should I be lying down on a sofa for this?'' he joked, mostly because making jokes was his defense mechanism.

Whenever he felt uncomfortable he started joking around.

''Well I'm not your shrink, and I know it's hard for you to talk about your feelings but I think you need to do this Karim, if you want to discover what it is that you want,'' Pepe contemplated and Karim sighed again.

''Does it even matter what I want? I think it's irrelevant Pep,''

''Why would you say that?'' Pepe asked, releasing Karim's hands to lean over the small refrigerator and taking out two bottles of water and handing one to Karim, who poured the content in a glass.

''I'm a _muslim_ dude, you know that. I can't just-forsake my religion and my culture to indulge in something that my people consider to be a sin!''

''I know that Karim, and I understand that it's complicated all right, but your wishes should matter to your family and even to Allah,'' Pepe mused wisely but Karim cringed and shut his eyes.

''What do you know about it? Nothing! You know nothing Pep! Not when it comes to religion!''

''Do I not? I'm a _Christian_ myself Karim!  
Don't forget that! Should I turn my back on Cris because he's a guy who happens to be in love with men and not women?'' Pepe asked, clenching his jaw in anger and Karim gnawed on his lower lip.

''Well I'm not suggesting that but-''

''Yeah but you kind of are! Look loving someone means letting them be _who_ they are.  
Cris is gay and I still love him, even if the bible says I can't. For he is my friend and I won't turn my back to my friends, not now, not ever!

We are who we are Karim. The sooner you realize that, the quicker you can get happy yourself,'' Pepe said and Karim fell silent after that for he didn't know how to reply to that when Pepe made so much sense.

''So what do you advise me to do then?'' Karim asked and Pepe's eyes softened a bit.

''Talk to Cris, figure out what you're feeling and find some way to get your memory back. You need to remember how you felt during-well you know. Because only if you know that, you can make your decision about this whole mess. Find some way to trigger your memory,''

''But how?''  
''I don't know, kiss him on the lips or something. Find out how he made you feel last night,''

''I can't _kiss_ him! What if he thinks that it's an invitation to have sex with me again! I won't lower myself to something like this again! It's still a sin and I refuse to indulge myself. I won't go down that fucking rabbit hole ever again!'' Karim bit out, sounding as stubborn as he was defiant.

Pepe stood up from his chair, moved to the other side of the desk and sat down on top of it, placing his warm hands on Karim's shoulder and locking his eyes with his.

''I love you man, really I do. But you're the most thick headed bastard I've ever met! Jesus!

I thought Cris was bad but you're even worse! You know what: if you wanna be stubborn about this then fine! Do whatever you want, forget this ever happened and just go on with your life.

Make your peace with Allah, beg for his forgiveness and pretend it never happened. But I will tell you this: the rest of us _won't_ forget this happened. The entire team knows Benz and if you think that they will forget about this then you're an idiot.

The same goes to Cris, he won't forget about this, he can't. You're under his skin now, whether he likes it or not, and he's not going to give up on you,'' Pepe said and Karim's breaths became erratic and he swallowed nervous.

''I know, he told me. But I'm scared Pep, I never felt this confused in my entire life and I don't know what to do now. I just want everything to be normal again,''

''Newsflash: it will never be normal again. Not even if you can convince Cris to let this go and to move on, he will always remember last night, even if you don't,'' Pepe said and Karim felt an iron fist clench at his insides.

Pepe was right, he knew he was. Like he was _always_ right when it came to these kind of things.  
But Karim hadn't really expected the truth to sting as much as it did.

He realized that while he could try to forget the events from last night, Cris wouldn't be able to do the same for him.  
Things would forever be changed between them.

When Cris would look at him now, he would feel Karim's skin to his, would feel the lips to his own.  
And Karim knew in his heart that Cris would come back for more-someday. Maybe tomorrow, maybe in a year.

But somehow he knew that Cris would try to seduce him again.  
So he needed a plan to deal with all this.

''I think I will call Cris to see if he wants to come over for dinner tonight. He always likes to play with Melia and having her there will take some pressure off of me. Knowing that we won't be alone and therefor that he won't try anything,'' Karim said, thinking out loud and Pepe nodded supportive.

''That sounds like a good idea,'' he complimented as he patted Karim's shoulder again.

''Okay, I'll app him right now, thanks Pep,'' he said as he fished his iPhone from his pocket and started typing.

''I'm proud of you,'' Pepe mumbled as he pressed a kiss to the top of Karim's head.  
''Obrigado,'' Karim said and Pepe winked at him.

 _'Hey, do you want to join me and Melia for dinner tonight? I'm making lasagna,'_ Karim typed and his fingers trembled a bit when he hit send.  
His heart was pounding in his chest and he could hear the blood rushing through his system.

Within seconds Cris typed a response: _'I would love to,'_  
Karim smirked at his phone, a strange triumphant flutter roaming around in his chest.

 _'Nice, 5.30 good for you?'_ he asked as he hit send.

 _'How about 5?'_ Cris send back and Karim shook his head, disbelieving.

It was nice to know that they could still argue about everything, like they always had.  
Somehow the only place where they had seemed to agree on anything was on the pitch.

And apparently last night in bed.  
_'Fine, c you then,'_ Karim typed back, unleashing a giant breath he didn't know he was holding.

''There that wasn't so hard now was it?'' Pepe asked with a wink and Karim nudged him between his ribs.  
''Stop teasing me!''

''Never,'' Pepe vowed, a mischievous grin on his face, that reminded Karim of Marcelo and Sergio whenever they did something stupid.

An hour later, Karim took Melia home, knowing she needed her afternoon nap otherwise she would never make it until dinner and he kind of needed her to stay up, seeing how he didn't want to be alone with Cris the entire time.

He needed his safety net.

Melia slept from three until four-thirty and in the meantime Karim took another shower, put on some cologne, checked the mirror about a million times and felt the afternoon crawl by, realizing to his own shock that he couldn't wait to see Cris.

A very sudden need to clear the air came over him and as he started chopping up his vegetables for the lasagna he heard Melia murmuring through the baby monitor and he left the kitchen to get his daughter out of her bed.

''How did you sleep princess?'' he asked in Spanish, carrying her out of bed, her cheeks, warm and red from her slumber and she smiled at him.  
''Bien,'' she said as she pecked him on the cheek, cradling his neck with her little arms.

''Guess who's coming to dinner?'' Karim asked.

He had purposely waited till now to tell her that anyone was coming over for dinner, knowing very well that if he had told her before her nap she wouldn't want to sleep at all out of excitement.

She yawned deep and raised her little arms in the air, questioning.  
''I don't know silly,'' she chirped.

''Guess,'' Karim suggested as he placed her down on the changing table and changed her clothes.  
He put her into her favorite little pink dress and put pink glitter shoes on her tiny feet.

''Uncle Marcelo?'' Melia guessed but Karim shook his head.  
''Nope, guess again,''

''I don't know! Tell me!'' Melia bursted out, hands dramatically tangling into her own hair.  
She had definitely inherited her mother's talent for drama.

''Fine, uncle Cris is coming for dinner,'' Karim revealed and Melia's eyes lit up.  
''REALLY?!! I _love_ uncle Cris!!'' she shouted in his ear, almost deafening him and Karim resisted the urge to cover his ears.

''Hey! No shouting! I told you that many times!''  
''But uncle Cris is coming?'' Melia asked, ignoring his reprimands like usual.

''Yes he's coming, in fact he should be here soon,'' Karim said as he looked at Melia's Dora clock on the wall, that told him it was almost five o'clock.  
Cris was never late and would surely be there quickly.

''Yay!!!'' Melia shouted and she ran down the stairs, ears red from all the excitement.  
When Karim had just came down the doorbell rang.

He quickly checked his own reflection in the hallway mirror, only to realize that he had forgotten to cover the bite marks with make-up this time, but he was sure that Cris wouldn't mind that.

In fact he probably took pride in them and would love to see Karim display them so openly.

As Karim thought about that, he wished that he had covered them up, for he didn't want to give Cris the wrong idea.

He took Melia in his arms and opened the door, his jaw dropping slightly when he saw Cris appear on his doorstep.  
Cris looked simply breathtaking.

As if he was going to a movie premiere.

He wore the simple dark jeans again, neat black shoes with laces and a dark blue shirt was covering his powerful torso.  
His hair was gelled up neatly as ever and he was wearing his diamond earrings, probably because he knew how much Karim loved those.

Karim suddenly felt very underdressed as he stared at his own outfit; a simple pair of jeans and one of his green shirts.  
How could he ever match up to him?

Cris was so much more beautiful than he was.  
''Hola uncle Cris!'' Melia said as she extended her arms to Cris, who happily accepted her from Karim and hugged her tight.

''Hola mi princesa! Como estas?'' he asked as he pressed a kiss to her forehead.

''Bien, gracias,'' Melia replied with a giant grin.

Cris winked at her and moved forward to greet Karim, who suddenly became very worried about how Cris was going to say hello.

Would he hug him? Kiss him on the cheek?

Or simply give him a fist bump, like they usually did.

He didn't have long to ponder on this for Cris moved in closer, wrapped an arm around Karim's shoulder and leaned in to press a small peck to Karim's cheek.  
Karim felt his cheek burn under the touch and a shiver went over his spine.

He almost leaned in closer to reciprocate the gesture but Cris had already moved out of his space again and stepped past him into the hallway.

''Hola Benz,'' he mumbled as he shot him a wink as well and he walked with Melia into his arms into the kitchen and sat her down into her kids chair.

''Dinner isn't ready yet,'' Karim announced as he started setting the oven temperature.  
''That's okay, I'll help you,'' Cris offered and he takes Melia out of the chair and places her on his shoulders.

''You want to help us princess?'' he asked and Melia let out a happy noise.  
''Si!''

''Okay so have you made the sauce yet Karim?'' Cris asked as he looked around on the counter and Karim shook his head.  
''Not yet,''

''Right, what do you say we make that for you while you prepare the meat and the veggies?'' he proposed with a sideway nod to Melia.  
''All right, just be careful with her, she's _clumsy_ like her old man,'' Karim grinned and Cris chuckled loud.

''I know, don't worry. I have a kid too you know, I won't let her play with knives or anything,''

''You better not,'' Karim warned as he shot Cris a foul face, but his eyes were twinkling.

They prepared dinner in a comfortable silence, only to be interrupted by Melia's comments about how uncle Cris was doing it all wrong, after which they would exchange a glare and laugh heartedly.

Karim put the lasagna in the oven and they waited for it to be ready, which took a long time.

Cris filled the time by playing with Melia, giving her piggy-back rides until her cheeks were dark red from the excitement, and Karim could tell that Melia would be asleep in minutes after dinner, which made him feel anxious.

He wondered if Cris had tired her out on purpose, so that they would have more time alone after she was asleep.  
No Cris wouldn't do that, he told himself.

He shouldn't always think the worst of people.  
Sometimes they deserved the benefit of the doubt.

Karim knew he had trust issues, he'd had them ever since he was a kid and he'd been bullied at school for being the only Arabic kid in his class.  
He was insecure, and even now that he was famous, he still doubted himself every day.

Wondering if he was good enough to play for Real Madrid, wondering if people liked him.

All the tough guy selfies he posted were a farce honestly.

He wanted people to think he was a gangster kind of guy, who was not to be fucked with but even he could see the insecurity in his own eyes when he made his 'badass' selfies.

Pure self defense.

He knew what happened with people when you showed them weakness.  
That was another thing he and Cris had in common.

Cris wasn't near as confident and tough as people thought he was either. He was insecure and had, just like Karim, endured endless bullying when he moved to Lisbon as a teenager.

Being a _'trashy'_ Madeira kid was the thing that had gotten him in trouble for years.  
Karim knows that Cris has about the same level of confidence as him, but the only difference is that Cris has managed to masque it better.

As Karim walked back to the play room, he glanced inside when he heard Melia's high pitched laughter from behind the door.

Cris was sitting on the floor, putting puzzle pieces together with one hand and tickling Melia in her sensitive side with the other.  
It was so endearing, seeing them spend time together and Karim found himself staring at the sight whether he wanted to or not.

''Noooo uncle Cris!! That tickles!'' she screamed and Cris placed the puzzle piece down and pulled the toddler onto his lap and seized his torment.

''I'm sorry baby, come on give me a hug,'' he suggested and Melia sighed dramatically but complied.

She wrapped her chubby arms around Cris' neck and held him tight.  
''Can I have a kiss?'' Cris asked and Melia frowned.

''No, because you tickled me, my daddy should punish you,''  
''Should he now?'' Cris grinned and Karim felt his cheeks flush again, when Cris turned around to face him.

''Uh-dinner is ready,'' Karim said quickly before Cris could say something embarrassing.

''All right, let's go darling,'' he said as he stood up and carried Karim's baby to the kitchen and placed her into her chair for the second time.

Karim served the lasagna and cut a small chunk for Melia and placed it onto her plastic plate, he pressed a fork into her hand but she dropped it to the floor like always.

Cris smirked at her clumsiness but crouched down to hand the fork back to her and started cutting the lasagna into small pieces for her, feeding her a bite with is right hand.

''Are you going to sit down?'' he asked when Karim stood there like a statue, feeling to frozen to move.  
''Oh, yeah,'' he mumbled and he handed Cris a chunk of the lasagna and then cut a piece for himself.

Dinner was a nice and quiet affair, Cris happily kept on feeding Melia, who clasped onto his hand every time he handed her a bite, curiously looking at his ridiculously expensive watch.

They talked about regular team stuff and it was nice, to know that they could still be friends without feeling awkward the entire time.  
After dinner Melia grew tired and Cris offered to put her to bed, so that Karim could clean the table.

Melia agreed to that before Karim could reply so Cris handed his daughter to him for a goodnight kiss and disappeared upstairs, singing a Portuguese lullaby in her ears as he made his way up the stairs.

Karim recognized that song, he had heard Cris sing it to Junior when he was very little.

He felt a strange urge to cry suddenly, the very sight of Cris being so loving with his daughter warming his heart in ways he had never expected it to.

It had almost felt as if they were a small family during dinner, as if it was the most normal thing in the world that they ate dinner like this. Cris feeding his daughter like she was his own.

Karim shook his head stubbornly and forced himself to stay objective.  
No this was _bullshit_.

He was seeing things that weren't there. Cris was simply good with kids and it had meant nothing.  
He could almost hear Pepe screaming in his ear that he was being too rational again but he suppressed the thought of his friend and ordered himself to sanity.

He needed a clear head to deal with Cris today.  
Cris had slipped down the stairs without Karim hearing him and he suddenly stood behind him, coughing short to get his attention.

Karim turned around and sighed.

Cris extended his hand to him and Karim took it without thinking about it. The hand was warm and a bit sweaty, which told Karim that Cris was as nervous about this as he was, which was oddly calming somehow.

''Come on, let's go and sit down,'' Cris said and he tugged Karim into the living room and gently pulled him down on the couch, not letting go of his hand as they sat.

Karim discovered that he felt no desire to release Cris' hand so he held onto it, despite his better judgement.

''So I guess we got a lot to talk about,'' Cris said and Karim nodded slow, bracing himself for what was to come.

This was going to be a very long night...

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think <3


	3. Debate.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karim and Cris talk about their feelings, their options and other stuff happens. 
> 
> Karim remembers the night before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for waiting so long to update this guys. I was kept busy with my other stories. 
> 
> But today came with a certain inspiration to continue this so I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

_Madrid, Karim's house._

 

 

 

Karim swallowed nervously as Cris scraped his throat, getting ready to start their tense conversation.

''Did you forget to cover your neck or did you leave those love bites there on purpose?'' Cris asked.

Karim gritted his teeth and let go of Cris' sweaty hand, sliding a little to the left on his sofa, creating some much needed distance between them.  
Well that was a great start, he pondered.

Sarcastic and straight to the point, like Cris usually was.

He should have seen that question coming, only in his post-bliss state of mind after the wonderful dinner, somehow he hadn't.

The worst thing about the question was that Karim had no sensible answer to it. ''I'm not sure honestly. I thought I had forgotten about it, but now I think that maybe I _did_ do it on purpose or something,'' he said awkwardly and Cris smiled a little self assured.

''Good, that's good,'' he said and another silence settled in between them, the air getting heavier with dread and tension by the second.

''God I can't believe how hard this is?'' Cris groaned after what seemed to be hours going by without a word. ''Come on man, this is us! We have always been so good at talking about _everything_ Karim! How did we get to be such a mess that we can't even talk about our shit anymore!''

Karim frowned and folded his arms together. ''Well I think it started to be a mess when I _slept_ with you last night,''

Cris rolled his eyes at him and sighed. ''Yes I know that, thank you. Christ, I just miss what we used to have you know. That ease and comfort in our conversations. I miss that,''

''Yeah well, I miss it when the world still made any _sense_ to me, I let you take that away from me Cris. Now nothing will ever be the same for me again,''

''Excuse me? Take it away from you? I didn't take anything from you that you didn't happily want to give me yourself! Don't you dare turn this around on me Benz! You were the one who came onto me!''

''I was fucking drunk for god's sake!! And so were you! You should have known better than to kiss me Cris!''

''Well I wasn't counting on you liking it honestly! And you did like it man, that kiss lasted for at least a minute and it weren't just your lips that were being devoured, I assure you,''

Karim turned dark red and felt his furious heart rate hammering in his ears. ''Shut up! I don't wanna hear it,''

''I know you don't but you _have_ to! You have to listen to me, please...'' Cris begged and his right hand cradled Karim's cheek and lifted his head upward so their eyes could meet.

Karim knew that it was a huge deal for Cris to be begging for anything, seeing how he never did that and therefore he decided to hear him out. It was the only kind thing to do, he figured.

But another tiny part of him was slightly curious as to what he had to say.

''Okay, I'll listen to you,'' he conceded and he allowed Cris to fold his arm around his shoulder and to press their bodies together.

Cris exhaled relieved and briefly stroked Karim's cheek. ''Thank you, well I'm not sure where to start honestly but I have to confess something to you,''

Karim's stomach clenched uncomfortably and he took a deep, tensed breath. ''All right,''

''A big part of why I don't want to forget last night is because-well I-'' Cris paused and sighed miserably, lowering his head onto Karim's shoulder and clenched on his hand.

''You can tell me, I won't judge you. _Not ever,''_ Karim assured him and he felt Cris smile into his shoulder before he rose up again, pressing a soft kiss to Karim's feverish cheek.

''See? That is why I love you so much. You never judge anyone. You take people for who they are and respect them no matter what. I wish I was more like you sometimes. It's those qualities that truly make you so special you know,'' Cris admitted and Karim's cheeks turned dark.

He felt dizzy and the room seemed to spin around him.

Cris said that he loved him. He _loved_ him, of all people.

But he probably meant that in a friendly way, not like he loved him like a partner. Not that Karim wanted him to anyway. He wasn't gay after all.  
''You really love me?'' he heard himself asking and a second later he cursed his own tongue.

Why did he have to ask it? He wasn't going to like the answer either way.

There was no right answer. If Cris said no, he would be disappointed, but if he said yes, then he would be in even more trouble then he already was.

Cris seemed to be slightly taken aback at his question and blushed briefly, averting his eyes. ''Well I uh-''

Karim placed a hand over his mouth and shook his head. ''No never mind, it was a stupid question anyway and I'm not sure if I would like the answer regardless. So just let it go, please,''

Cris was silent for a while, investigated him slowly but finally nodded solemnly and Karim carefully removed his hand. ''Maybe I will answer that for you, one day,'' Cris said.

''But not today,'' Karim said, and he knew it sounded like something between an order and a plea.

Love confessions were the last thing he needed today if he wanted to survive this conversation without losing his cool.

''No, not today,'' Cris agreed.

''Please continue your story, you wanted to tell me something,'' Karim said politely.

''Right, well the reason why I don't want to forget about last night is, well it's complicated but,'' Cris sighed deep and seemed to be awfully frustrated with himself. His dark eyes were glowing in the dark and his diamond earrings sparkled in the soft light of the candles.

''Look, I have to tell you something about my childhood and it's something I've never told anyone before.  
Not even my family knows about this.  
But I want to tell you because you're about the only one I can truly _trust_ in this world. More than I trust myself at the moment,'' Cris choked out and Karim filled the both of them a glass of water from the carafe on the table and they took a little break to catch their breath and soothe their dry mouths.

Karim's head was racing faster than one of his beloved Ferrari's on the freeway.

Cris only trusted him in this world. He wasn't quite sure what to make of such a shocking statement.

It flattered him to hear it, but it also raised a new number of serious questions that Karim was not ready to answer just yet.

When they were done drinking, Karim wrapped his arm around Cris' shivering shoulders and stroked the back of his neck gentle. ''Look, you don't have to tell me anything. If you do tell me, I want you to do so because you _want_ to share it with me, not because you feel like you have to. You don't have to do anything,''

''I know, I think that came out wrong, I meant that I wanted to tell you. It's important that you know about it, especially after last night,''

''All right, in that case I'm all ears,'' Karim ensured him and he felt Cris moving even closer agains his body, not willing to remove himself from Karim's touch.

''When I was a kid, living in Lisbon, something happened to me. You know I was picked on and bullied for my accent, but unfortunately there was a lot more to it.  
Some of the older boys used to beat me to a pulp whenever the trainers weren't looking.  
Somehow they had discovered that I liked boys instead of girls because I had an obvious crush on one of my teammates and after they learned that they tried some new 'techniques' to break me,''

Karim's heart was pounding in his chest, he placed his stone cold hand on top of Cris' warm one and squeezed it.

He didn't like where this story was going, not one bit.  
But he had to keep listening, for both their sakes. He could not be selfish now.

Cristiano needed to let this story out and he only confided in Karim enough to trust him with it.

Cris' chocolate colored eyes started shimmering and Karim could sense that he was at his breaking point.

He waited quietly for Cris to continue his horrible story and inhaled deep, feeling more and more anxious as Cris opened his mouth and continued.

''They um, they tried to _rape_ me,''

Karim clenched his jaw, shut his eyes and felt furious tears rising to the surface as his heart was breaking slowly.

God no, please tell me this isn't true. It can't be true. What sort of a monster would do such a thing to him?

Cristiano's voice was thick with emotion and a tears streamed down his cheek. ''The oldest guy, Miquel had me on my knees while the other ones jerked my pants off.  
Just when he wanted to enter me, a trainer came in and prevented it from happening. He swore he would never tell anyone what he saw.  
I was eleven when that happened and since then whenever I slept with someone I have always been the one on top, because of him.

Because of Miquel and what he had done to me.  
Until last night when you came around and made me forget all about it Karim.

Don't you understand? You are the first man who I ever let inside of me, because you are the only one I trust enough to give myself to. It was not just your first time, in a way it also was mine.

And it was special and loving and it kills me to know that you don't even remember anything of it and that you are so eager to throw it all away and to cover it up like it never happened,''

Karim groaned and felt a lonely tear roll down his pale cheek. This was all _too_ _much_ for him to handle.  
The shock of the information would devour him whole, split him in two.

Cris had been just as much a virgin in a way as Karim had been.

And he had trusted Karim enough to let him inside of him, where no one had ever gone before, for it was too painful for Cris to be reminded of the memories of nearly being brutally torn open by Miquel's dick.

Cris was crying openly now, hot, thick tears sliding down his porcelain cheeks and Karim embraced him tight, allowing Cris to swallow him into the tightest hug he had ever gotten from anyone.

He felt Cris' head being buried into his shoulder and the strikers strong arms desperately gripping at his waist.

Begging for more support, more love. More of _anything_ that Karim wanted to give him. More was good.

Intense, deep sobs arose from Cristiano's lips and his entire body was quivering relentless. ''Shhh it's all right, I'm here for you. I'm not going to leave you,'' Karim vowed and he felt the hot tears dampening his shirt.

''You are so brave for telling me such an awful story you know,'' Karim continued, as his hand caressed through Cris' thick strains of hair, struggling with the large amount of gel that hardened it.

''I wish you would stop gelling up your hair so much, I would love to play with those curls of yours someday,'' Karim mused, barely noticing that he said it out loud, instead of to himself.

The small smile Cris gave him when he raised his face up from his shoulder however, told him that he had done more good than harm with that light suggestion.

Cris wiped his nose and grinned a little, a hint of his old cheekiness returning to his eyes. ''Well if you're nice to me, maybe I'll let you someday,''

Even looking as distraught and hurt as he did, Karim still couldn't help but feel terribly attracted to the other man. Especially now that he knew the truth.

Cris' horrible story had changed everything in his head, silencing the rational side for good, so it seemed.

Now all he wanted to do was comfort Cris, to tell him that it was all right, that he would never leave him and that he loved him despite of everything that happened in his childhood.

He wanted to tell him that it was okay, that he would be there to support him, always.

But his lips forgot to say the soothing words his mind had come up with.

Instead his body moved on its own accord and before he knew it, his lips were plastered onto Cris', slowly moving against the warm sensation of the strikers plump, soft lips.

Cris was clearly taken aback by his move and let out a small surprised gasp, only to recover from the shock in record time before he parted his lips to let Karim in eagerly.

Their heated tongues moved together, dancing around one another as Karim dived even deeper into the kiss, letting go of all the arguments and useless debate in his head.

It didn't matter any longer. His restless mind was finally silenced.

As his tongue traced along Cristiano's lower lip, he felt himself shiver with need.

His stomach was fluttering with desperation and he wondered if the proverbial 'butterflies' felt like this.

If so, then kissing Cris was unlike anyone else he had ever made out with. He had never felt such intense need before.

The desire to claim the other's lips and to never let them go again. He had never gotten so drunk and dizzy from a kiss in his life. Not ever.

Karim knew that his life didn't make sense anymore, but for the first time since he had woken up next to Cris yesterday, he couldn't care less.  
As long as Cris was here with his mouth to his, nothing else mattered.

Karim's toes were curling and heat was pooling inside of him.

And that was when it happened.

The memories of last night came flowing back to his system. _Finally_.

He saw himself slipping into Isco's guest bedroom, sliding to the bed and crouching down under the covers, kissing the back of Cris' neck, waking him up in the process.

Cris sighed deep and moaned at the touch of his warm lips to his skin, begging for more, obviously knowing who it was without even looking at him.  
He turned to Karim and helped him out of his shirt and sweat pants, leaving nothing but his boxers.

Cris was naked, that much was clear, seeing how he always slept naked to enhance the feeling of his silk sheets to his skin.

They made out for a long time, passionately and needy and after an hour, Karim found himself with a slightly panting Cris on top of his body, their arms and legs tangled together.

Cris had huskily whispered that he wanted Karim to take him, and Karim had nearly dropped off the bed in shock. After Cris had given him the best blow job of his life, he had obliged to be the top, no longer having any coherent thoughts in his head anymore, seeing how he was seeing stars.

He worked Cris open, slowly and carefully, not really having a clue as to what he was doing but Cris guided him the best he could.

When Cris fished a condom from the drawer of the nightstand however, Karim's mind seemed to lock down and he started objecting.

Saying how he didn't want to be another one of Cris' whores and other hurtful accusations.

Cris assured him that he would never be one of his whores and that he actually cared for him. When he kissed Karim again, his arguments faded away and his decision was made.

He threw the unused condom on the floor, assuring Cris that he was clean, nudged him down on his back, slipped on top of him, spread his legs and slowly slid into him.

He whimpered and swallowed hard, halting himself when he was buried all the way inside of Cris, allowing him with enough time to adjust to the feeling before he started moving.

He thrusted in deep and eager and he heard a primal moan escape his own lips.

It was almost too much. Too hot and too needy.

Karim knew that he could never last long for Cris was far too tight and he was way too drunk to hold on.

Cris was panting loud and gnawed on his lower lip to swallow his moans. A bead of perspiration danced on the outline of his forehead and Karim thought he had never looked more beautiful than he did at that moment.

Karim couldn't resist to kiss him on his lips, deepening the kiss as fast as he could, feeling their hot tongues slide together as his heart nearly gave out under him.  
Cris cried out between their kisses and locked his arms around Karim's neck, arching his hips so he could get even further inside of him.

He bit Karim's neck and sucked bruising kisses to the soft skin, making Karim shiver uncontrollably.

Karim warned him that he wasn't going to last and Cris dared him to come at the same time as him, seeing how he was also close to the edge.

They came together, Cris screaming in pleasure while he pursed his lips to Karim's who let out a grunt so loud, so desperate that it could have been a sob for all he knew.

He had never came harder in his life.

Never felt so complete when he had sex with someone.  
Cris kept kissing him lazily and before Karim knew it, his eyelids started to drop and he was fast asleep on top of Cris.

His cock was still inside of Cris when he drifted off.

The memory faded away and he stared at present day Cris, eyes wide and shaken. ''I remember everything now,''

''You do?''

''Yes, and you were right. It was really special, and intense,'' Karim blushed, feeling so awkward he wished he could disappear through a hole in the ground.

''It certainly was yes, I'm glad that you remember,'' Cris smiled, cupping Karim's hot cheek and kissing it lightly.

''But it doesn't change anything Cris,'' Karim forced himself to say, hating himself a little for it.

''What?!''

''It doesn't change anything,''  
''How can you even say that? After everything that happened between us?'' Cris blurted out, distraught and anger gliding over his face.

''Because I'm still me, and you are still you. And I will _never_ be good enough for you.  
You deserve better than someone like me.  
Someone who is as hot as you are, someone who shares your passions and who isn't afraid of having feelings for you. I'm not good enough to be with you Cris. You shouldn't even have given yourself to the likes of someone like me,'' Karim said, stating all his stupid insecurities out for Cris, handing them to him on a silver platter of misery.

He knew he was being slightly ridiculous, but this was how he was feeling.

He had mauled it over when he was thinking about himself and Cris today and the only logical conclusion he drew was that Cris could do better than settling for someone like him.

He didn't deserve to be called Cristiano Ronaldo's boyfriend.

Karim should have never taken Cris' _virginity_ away from him. Now that he knew the truth about Cris' childhood he only hated himself more for sleeping with Cris in the first place.

For being the one who had...

Before he could think any more destructive thoughts Cris interrupted them by doing something Karim had never expected him to do.

He slapped him across his face with the flat of his hand.

It stung him, but the shock of it was almost more painful than the actual slap.

''Don't you _dare_ say such shitty things about yourself you idiot! How stupid are you Karim?!  
You are good enough for me, god don't you get it?  
You are the better side of me! You are the best person in this whole fucked up world and I couldn't have given myself to a better person than you! I don't regret it and I never will. You healed me you dense moron! Why in god's name wouldn't you be good enough for me?''

Karim fell silent and pursed his lips together, not knowing how to respond, as usual.

''I'm actually waiting and hoping for an answer here dude,'' Cris hissed, folding his arms together, frowning expectantly. An expression on his face that said 'this better be good.'

''Oh come on Cris, just look at us! You are so beautiful, so divine to look at.  
How can I ever be seen next to you when I look like this? I don't work out as much as you do.  
I don't have a brilliant six pack and impossible leg muscles.  
I'm not tanned and gorgeous like you. You're at least a ten and I'm maybe a seven if I'm lucky. Numbers should hook up with their partners, not date below their rate,''

''Math? You're giving me math?! Are you fucking kidding me? You're going to base this solely on looks?''

''Numbers don't lie Cris. Eights hook up with eights, fours with fours, etcetera, etcetera,''

''You're being fucking ridiculous!''

''Maybe I am, but the truth remains the same. The whole world _adores_ you man, women throw themselves at your feet, men masturbate to your pictures in the shower. I just don't want to compete with all of them I guess. What if another ten comes along who you fall in love with instead of me?''

Cris gaped at him for a moment, jaw dangling open in disbelief. A tear rolled down his cheek and he furiously wiped it away before Karim could.  
''How shallow do you think I am? You really disappoint me Benz. I would have hoped after all this time together that you would think a little better of me. Turns out that I'm the idiot huh,''

''I'm sorry all right, but I'm just being honest here. I don't want you to settle for someone like me. Not when you can do better. Besides: I'm not even sure that I want to pursue anything with you,'' Karim wasn't really sure why he blurted it out like this.

Maybe the pressure was getting to him, maybe all his fears simply bubbled over.

But all he knew was that he couldn't let himself get involved with Cristiano. Not even after remembering what had happened with them.

He was still a muslim, his father's son and he was not about to throw that all away for a bit of lust.

All the color drained from Cris' face and he rose to his feet, his posture thundering with held back anger. His jaw tightened and his fist bawled.  
''Fine, I get it. I'll go and never bother you again!''

Karim stood up quickly and took ahold of Cris' arm, locking him into his grip, refusing to let him go.  
''No, you are not walking out on me like this,''

''You lost the right to tell me what to do. I pour out my heart to you, tell you my oldest and best kept secret and you just-'' Cris swallowed hard and his chest heaved tight. ''-you're _breaking_ my heart Karim. Why can't you tell me what this is really about hm? This isn't about religion, numbers or anything like that. Those are just sorry excuses. It's about something else isn't it?''

Karim nodded miserably and sighed. ''Why don't you tell me what it is? Trust me, like you always used to do,'' Cris suggested and he stroked Karim's cheek with his strong, slender fingers, pulling him in slightly.

Karim leaned his forehead against Cris' and shut his eyes, mauling over how he could say this without ripping Cris' heart out.

''It's Melia,'' he bursted out and Cris frowned dumbfounded. ''Huh?''

''When I saw you with her tonight, when you took her to bed in your arms, it just-it scared me all right. The intensity of it, the tenderness,''

''Why?''

''Because I realized that I wanted to see you do that more than once okay! In one insane moment I wanted us to be like...a family. I didn't want you to go. And it scared me,'' Karim confessed, blushing again. God how he hated himself.

Cris clasped his cheeks and pressed a kiss to his nose. ''But we can be a family someday, if you just give it a chance. Give _me_ a chance,''  
Karim shook his head somber. ''I can't,''

''Yes you can, but you simply won't. Because your fears and insecurities are destroying you,''

''So what if they are?''

''How will you ever be happy Karim? If you are terrified all the time?''

''I don't know! But I'll figure it out!'' Karim exclaimed, releasing himself from Cris' death grip. ''I think you should go now,''

Cristiano's face faltered. ''Please don't send me away,''

''Look I'm not saying no to all of this, I simply need some time to think all of this over. Just give me some space, please...''

Cris, realizing that he had to swallow his loss nodded sadly and pressed his lips to Karim's one last time.

It was a brief kiss that almost felt like a goodbye and Karim desperately struggled against his tears.

When Cris released him he smiled through his own tears. ''Don't think too much all right? It's not good for you. Sometimes you have to listen to your heart instead of your head,''

With those words he was gone.

Karim fell down on his couch and let his tears flow freely.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know how you feel about this. I'm still insecure about writing smut.


	4. You can count on me like one, two, three.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karim's emotions are driving him insane. So he calls the one person who will understand him. Who can help him see clearly through the mist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long to update this guys. But my laptop is really on the verge of dying, my searching for a job has been crazy and I've had other issues. 
> 
> But I'm back with a long chapter. I think there will be 1 more chapter after this one. 
> 
> Hope it was worth the wait.

_Madrid, Karim's place._

 

 

A couple days later, back on the comfort of his lazy sofa, Karim finally mustered the courage to call the number he had been avoiding for days.

Ever since he was a child he had been an avid avoider and now as an adult he still hadn't lost his touch.

But he figured that it was time to grow a pair and to make the call he was dreading so much.

His fingers ghosted over his screen and he swallowed hard, feeling his heart beating in his throat.

He hit the call button and impatiently waited for a response. After four beeps he finally got an answer.

''Hello? Karim?'' a surprised voice said from the other line and Karim noticed that the sound of his voice made him feel easier already.

He cursed himself for putting the call off for so long.

''Hey Mes, how have you been?'' he asked Mesut Ozil, who was clearly surrounded by his teammates, judging from the loud noises around him.

''I'm fine! God we haven't spoken in _forever_ , I was beginning to wonder if you'd even remembered my name,'' Mesut teased but Karim heard the smile in his voice. ''Hey please shut up for a second Chambo, I'm on the phone!!'' Mesut snapped and Karim could hear a muffled voice shouting something back in English but the meaning was lost on him.

''Very funny dude, listen I _really_ need to talk to you about something important. Can we FaceTime somewhere private?''

''Sure I just finished training but I'm sure I can find a secluded place somewhere around here, hold on, I'll call you back when I found a place to talk,''

''Okay, thanks,''  
Karim hung up and sighed deep. Well that wasn't so bad now was it?

He should have called Mesut days ago, after Cris had left his house and he had crumbled down into a heaping mess of doubt and conflicting feelings.

When Mesut still played for Real Madrid Karim used to talk to him about _everything_ that was bugging him.

They could talk for hours about their family, their doubts and their culture.

It had always been nice for Karim to have a fellow Muslim living so close to him, but Mesut was not half as serious about their religion as he was.

Sure he prayed, knew the Quran and all that but Mesut also drank, slept around with both men _and_ women and Karim even caught him smoking once after a horrible defeat against Barcelona.

Courtesy to Fabio Coentrao, who was a not so secretive smoker and always had a secret package of Marlboro lights stashed away inside of his gym bag.

But it had always been good to have Mesut close by, and now that he was gone Karim still missed him sometimes.

Sure he had Varane whenever he wanted to speak in his own language and Karim _really_ liked that kid, but he was in so many ways still a kid.

He was so young that Karim sometimes felt ancient whenever he spoke to him.

They might have spoken the same language but that didn't change the fact that they did not understand each other's meaning at all. Mesut had always spoken French with him and Karim appreciated the effort.

Hell he even missed Sami Khedira, who had been the only one left after Mesut left Real.

Sami stayed a year longer and Karim was grateful for that, but it wasn't the same with Mesut gone.

Sami was more serious somehow, especially after Mesut had left.

Karim knew that Sami missed Mesut a lot more than he did, for they had always been a lot closer together then he and Mesut had been.

It was funny now that he was looking back at it, but he and Cris had never really been friends.

Yes they had shared an amazing connection _on_ the pitch but off the field they didn't hang out usually.

They didn't go out to dinners, they didn't arrange play dates with their kids. They didn't even attend to each other's birthday parties every year for sometimes they simply forgot to invite one another.

Cris couldn't stand it to be alone, which was why he always had friends or family over in his house and Karim was a secretive loner who loved spending quiet evenings completely by himself whenever Chloe had Melia for the night.

They were so different in so many things that Karim wondered if it could ever work between them.

Not that he even knew for certain if he would ever have the courage to be in a relationship with Cristiano.

But despite all of their differences they had always been there for each other on a professional level.

They had always been platonic partners in a way. 

They always had each other's back, had always shared this strange connection on the pitch and sometimes even completed each other's sentences during debates about tactics.

Because they thought the same when it came to football.

Football had always been their common ground. The place where they _always_ spoke the same language.

Karim was grateful that they had not lost that due to their little romantic adventure, for a few days ago they had played a game and Karim had assisted Cristiano in yet another goal.

And for one glorious moment, things seemed to be back to normal.

Until Karim saw Cris' smile when their eyes met.

It was so pure, so intense and so loving that all of the memories came flooding back to his mind and the peaceful moment of them just being friends was bursting like a bubble.

Cris had carried the same look on his face as he did when they had shared that kiss back at Karim's house.

It was the face of someone in love.

And it scared the living crap out of Karim.

Karim had swallowed thickly and averted his eyes, hating himself a little bit for it and walked off. He could feel Cristiano's disappointment cutting through him like a knife to the heart.

At training the day after that Cris retaliated by walking around on the training field with his arms around James whenever Karim was looking in his direction.

He had James joined to the hip and it made Karim's blood boil with jealousy.

When he kissed James' cheek, Karim looked away and passed a ball back to Sergio, only to get it back from the defender, giving him the opportunity to storm off to the other side of the field to score a goal.

The distraction helped him a little bit, but when he looked back at Cris he noticed that he was still whispering funny things in James' ear for the Colombian was still giggling like a little child that was in love.

When everyone had left the training field aside from Karim and Cris, who always stayed late to train extra, the bomb went off between them.

''So are you going to sleep with him?'' Karim had asked when they were back in the dressing room.

They hadn't showered yet and Karim had decided to go do that at home for the sight of Cris' naked body wouldn't do him much good.

''With who Karim?'' Cris had asked innocently as he gelled his hair.  
''With James!''

Cristiano's jaw had twitched at the question and his hands were balled into fists. ''You have no right to ask me that,''  
''Oh on the contrary, I have _every_ right to ask you that!!! So are you?''

Cris had huffed and shaken his head disbelieving. ''Go to hell Karim!''

''Well thanks to you I'm already going there!!!'' Karim had shouted, as he threw his shin pads to the floor and kicked against the bench, hurting himself as he scraped his knees open at the wooden surface.

''Au Merde!!'' he cursed as he sat back down on the bench and placed a white towel to his bloody right knee.

''I'll get you some water,'' Cris had said icily and he got a washcloth from his bag and moistened it with cold water from the tab. ''Let that go,'' he ordered and Karim pulled the bloody towel back and let Cris treat him.

The Portuguese had sat on his knees in front of Karim's lap and placed the washcloth gently to his knee, patting the broken skin as tender as he could.

His other hand had drifted off to Karim's other knee and somehow decided to linger there.

Strangely enough it soothed the both of them for all the anger seemed to disappear out of Karim's system and he could literally see the fury leaving Cris' eyes.

''Karim listen to me,'' Cris had begged and Karim locked his eyes with his and felt Cris moving closer to him so that his torso was connecting with his legs.

The pressure against his legs automatically made Karim part them so that Cris could slip between them, making room for him to fold his arms around his waist.

Cris extended his hand, cradled Karim's cheek with his strong hand and forced him to stare him right in his beautiful eyes. ''I have _never_ slept with James, nor would I ever _want_ to sleep with him. That is the truth. I promised you that I would never lie to you didn't I?''

Karim nodded relieved and felt a tiny smile escape his lips. ''I know, I'm sorry I asked about it. I had no right to-''

Cris shook his head wearily and sighed. ''No you have the only right to ask such things of me. Look I was being pathetic all right, I was hoping to make you jealous so that you would realize how you truly felt about me. It was stupid and mean and I can't believe that I hurt you so much with it. I'm sorry,''

Karim stroked his hand over Cris' warm cheek and smiled. ''Well it worked, I was insanely jealous,''

''Yes I kinda noticed that, which was totally hot by the way,''

Karim raised himself to his legs and shook his head awkwardly. ''Okay I'm going home now,''

''Oh come on, don't be like that! It was only a compliment!'' Cris moped and he got to his feet as well and clasped Karim's arm in his own.

''Please let go of me, I need more time Cris, like I told you last night,''

''Yes when we were texting all night long, just like we did the night before that, oh and the night before that. Get a clue Karim, we've been talking for hours each night before we go to sleep. We never used to do that before all of this. We're acting like a virtual couple!''

Karim's heart stopped beating in his chest as he realized the horrible truth behind Cris' words.

He was not wrong.

Whenever Cris had texted him and he heard the ping coming out of his phone indicating a response his heart had grown three sizes with anticipation.

God they _were_ behaving as a couple, how had Karim missed that?

''I need to go,'' Karim choked out, and he grabbed his gym bag and left the dressing room.  
He left a severely stunned Cristiano behind.

That night there had been no texts between them for the first time in five days. Surprisingly enough Karim missed them.

There was no training the day afterward and Karim was silently grateful for it.

There had also been no texts from Cris that night nor did he have the courage to send the first text himself.

So the day afterward Karim had finally mastered the courage to call Mesut, simply because he needed a friend.

Someone who would understand what being in love with a guy and being a Muslim was all about.

His phone started ringing in his pocket and Karim fished it out, seeing Mesut's name appearing on his FaceTime.

He hit the accept button and saw Mesut's face appearing on his screen.

He was looking quite tired and was a little paler due to the English weather but otherwise looked like the same old Mes that he had known for so long.

''Hey, sorry I took so long. It was hard to find a secluded place to talk,'' Mesut explained and Karim nodded.  
''That's all right, where are you now?''

''I'm in my car,'' he said and Karim suddenly understood why the background was so dark. Mesut was in the parking garage.

''I was wondering when you were going to call me,'' Mesut continued and Karim frowned.

''Why?''  
''Because of what happened with you and Cris,''

Karim felt all the air escape his lungs. ''How in god's name do you even know about that? Ah let me guess: Sergio told you didn't he?''

Mesut nodded cautiously. ''Yeah sorry man. I didn't ask for it if it makes you feel better. He send me that picture of you and Cris kissing when he was drunk that night.  
He send it to a lot of people by the way. He even send it to Pipita, Chori and Calleti,''

''HE DID WHAT?!!!'' Karim screamed. His mind was racing.  
Oh god, even their old teammates had seen the picture. Had the whole world seen it?

Did everyone in the football business know about this? Did they all think he was gay now?  
''I'm going to _kill_ Sergio the next time I see him!'' he groaned.

''Well in his defense: he was really drunk,'' Mesut reasoned but Karim wasn't in the mood to hear people defending his captain.

''You don't have to take his side Mes, he can't hear you! He won't suddenly fall in love with you after he hears that you defended him on this matter!''

Mesut's face fell and a disappointed wave of emotion washed over his face.

Karim knew that his comment was unacceptable. He had gone too far.

Mesut's feelings for Sergio were certainly not a joke to him, but due to his own conflicting feelings he was acting like a complete asshole.

''I'm sorry Mes, I was out of line, please don't be mad,'' Karim pleaded when Mesut stayed eerily silent.

''It's okay, I know you're right. You _always_ are. I'm just still pretty hung up on him I guess. Not that he will ever care. The only one he ever cared about was Iker,''

''Yeah I know, but that doesn't make it all right for him to play with your feelings. Or with the feelings of all those other players he slept with,''

''Give him a break, he only did that because he has an Iker shaped hole inside of his heart. His solution is to cramp as much guys through it as he can, in the hope that one of them can make him feel something, but none of them ever will. He needs Iker, but he will never have him. We all know that,'' Mesut reasoned, but his doe eyes were hollow and empty.

''I'm sorry Mes, that it didn't work out for you,''

''Yeah so am I, but what can you do? We can't help who we fall in love with. So tell me about Cristiano, which is why you're calling for my advice isn't it?''

Karim scratched his nose and exhaled deep. ''Yes, well it's complicated as fuck. I mean we slept together after we kissed that night, but I couldn't remember anything about it because I was too drunk. Cris remembered it and after a while so did I.  
He has feelings for me and I-well I guess I have them for him too, but I _can't_ go there. Because I'm still a Muslim and I would lose my whole family if they were to find out. So I don't know what to do. I'm drawn to Cris like a moth to a flame. It's so fucking hard! What do I do?''

Mesut crinkled his nose surprised at the revelation of Karim's words but kept his face even. ''Well what do you _want_ to do about it? I mean do you want to be with Cris?''

''Well a part of me does, but sometimes I don't think I would be good enough for him, seeing how beautiful he is and how different we are. I just don't think we would match you know. But when he invades my personal space I forget all about those arguments.  
I'm just fucked up about all of this!

Two days ago he was flirting with James on the training and it drove me mad.  
I wanted to kill James and bury his body under the Bernabeu.

I was feeling so possessive and furious that I kicked the bench in the dressing room, busting my knee in the process.  
Cris took care of my wound and I forgot all about my anger.

We used to text every night but since that day we remained silent to each other. I walked out on him in the dressing room, because I'm a coward.  
It's just a giant mess okay and I feel so stuck. I needed to talk to you about it, because I know that you are the only one who will understand,'' Karim confessed and somehow he already felt lighter.

As if the world wasn't weighing on his shoulders like a mountain anymore.

Confessing the truth about all of it made him feel a little lighter. It wasn't a solution yet, but his heavy heart seemed to be reduced a little.

Mesut mused to himself for a while before he replied. ''Hmm I get it, I used to feel like that around Sergio as well. Especially when he was flirting with Iker or with anyone with a pulse. It drove me insane. Look I know you don't want to hear this Karim, but it sounds like you are in love with Cris as well,''

Karim arched his eyebrows and snorted soft. ''You're kidding me right?''

''I never joke about something like this man, you are in love with him aren't you? You're just afraid that you will lose who you are if you begin a relationship with him. That you will lose your bond with Allah. I understand that, I felt like that as well in the beginning of it. But Allah will love you for being yourself Benz.  
And so will your family if they _truly_ love you.  
Mine struggled with it at first, especially my dad, but they came around. Yours will come around too, you'll see. I think you are more afraid of your feelings for Cristiano than you are of losing your family,'' Mesut concluded and Karim cursed his friend's sharp mind.

''Maybe, but what if he starts sleeping around with other men when we're together?  
Or what if someone more handsome comes around and he falls for him? I mean he has always slept around with a quarter of his teammates over the years, so how-'' Karim pressed his lips together when a horrifying thought entered his mind.

A thought so gruesome, so terrifying that he did not want to utter it out loud.

A wave of nausea hit him in his stomach and bile was hovering in his throat.

''What is it Benz? Why are you so upset all of the sudden?''

Before Karim knew it his mouth had opened and the horrible words left his lips. ''Did he sleep with you?''

Mesut paled even further and his lower lip started trembling. ''Karim, please don't ask me to answer that,''

''Answer me! Did he _fuck_ you? I have to know! He fucked pretty much every gay guy we had in the team, which includes you! So did he?!'' Karim yelled and by the shattered look on Mesut's face he read the answer. ''Oh god, he did fuck you didn't he?''

Mesut shut his eyes and inhaled deep before he finally nodded and put Karim out of his misery. ''He did, _once,''_

Karim's finger lingered over the button to end the conversation but Mesut, as usual, read his mind.

''Don't you dare hang up on me!!! It was four years ago Benz! It was after Marcelo's birthday party and we were both insanely drunk when it happened. It didn't mean anything. It didn't make either of us feel a single emotion.  
You can't do this to yourself all right.  
Yes Cris used to be a slut, we all know that. But he's grown up a lot and from what you're telling me he really has feelings for you.  
So what does it matter who he slept with in the past. You weren't even remotely interested in him back then, nor where you ever before all of this. So you need to let this go. It changes nothing between you and me, or between you and him,''

Karim swelled up like a red furious balloon of anger, ready to burst. ''Are you stupid Mes!! It changes _everything_ for me! You slept with him! How can I ever look at you the same way!!! I've slept with him and now you have too! It doesn't matter to me that it was ages ago!! You slept with Cris, and now I did as well. We might as well have sex now too, to complete the circle. Jesus Mes, I can't believe this shit!''

''Benz why are you getting so upset over this? It was a million years ago and it was meaningless to both of us. Why should you care about it?''  
''Because I do,'' Karim bristled stubbornly.

''Yes but why? What about this bugs you so much that you can't let this go?'' Mesut asked and Karim pondered the question.  
It was a good question and a part of him knew that he was being ridiculous about this.

But the idea of Mesut and Cris together made his blood heat up in jealousy.

He could see livid images of their bodies tangled together entering his mind and he ignored the need to hurl.

''I just can't stand it, the idea of you and him together. I feel jealous Mes, of the idea of one of my best friends screwing with the man I'm in love with-'' Karim placed a hand over his mouth and felt his eyes grow huge.

Oh holy fucking shit, what did he admit to now?

''You're really in love with him?'' Mesut asked tentatively. Any form of residual judgement or anger had left his brown eyes and he was starting to look like Karim's best friend again.

The warmth had returned in Mesut's doe-like eyes.

Karim shut his eyes and took a deep breath. ''Yes apparently I am,''

Now that he had finally admitted the truth to himself and to someone who he trusted completely, it felt like a load off his soul.

Mesut's brown eyes were beaming with enthusiasm and he smiled deep. ''I'm proud of you for admitting to it,''

''Thanks, but what the fuck do I do now? I don't know if I'm ready for all of this. What do I do about my family? How do I tell them about this? How can I?''

''Well my advice would be to tell your sisters and your mother the truth before you tell your dad. So they can help him to understand it a little better. Your sisters will be cool about this won't they? I mean they're pretty modern,'' Mesut reasoned and Karim nodded.

''Yeah I guess,''

''So you tell them and give them time to adjust to it. When they have and when they support you completely, you bring them with you to tell your dad the truth. They will have your back,''

Karim gnawed on his lower lip. ''But what if they don't have my back? What if they do judge me? My mom won't go easy and neither will my dad,''

Mesut shrugged his shoulders. ''Family is suppose to love you no matter what, and if they don't well then it's their loss now isn't it?''

''Yes but it's also _mine_ , because I don't want to miss them in my life. I mean what if I give it a shot with Cris, tell them the truth and what if we break up afterward? I will have lost everything over nothing,'' Karim argued.

''Yes that can happen, but what if you don't break up? You are also afraid of your careers aren't you?'' Mesut asked and Karim nodded in agreement.

''Of course I am, Cris is the best player alive, when people find out he has a boyfriend like me they will torch him. I know it. His career will be over, and for me it will be even worse.  
My country will crucify me for being a bad Muslim, my friends will abandon me, my family will turn their back to me. I might even get jail time. Of course I'm fucking scared of all this shit! I'm not good in covering up big secrets like this.  
With a bit of luck our careers will endure for another five or six years before we retire. That is a long time to keep something a secret. I'm not sure if I can do that, or if I want to do that,''

''So maybe you don't start with a relationship, maybe you take it slow. Go on a few dates first, get to know each other a little better. Spend some quality time in each other's presence to find out how you really feel. Take your time with it.  
Figure out what you want, what he likes to do.  
Besides, Cris' knee is still hurting him pretty badly isn't it?'' he asked and Karim nodded sadly.

''It is yes, he tries to hide it but I can tell it's killing him most of the days,''

''So he won't play for another 5 years. He will retire in 3 or 4 at the most. Look you don't know how lucky you are. You're in love with this amazing guy and he actually loves you back. You're not condemned to watch the guy you love pining after another man who barely notices him and therefore ignores your feelings.  
Don't be me Benz. Don't turn into me. You can have the man you want, don't waste those feelings away,''

''Thank you Mes, it's great advice, really. You've really grown up there in merry old England,'' Karim winked and Mesut shot him an encouraging smile.  
''Yeah well, hang around Per Mertesacker enough and you're bound to get old, wise _and_  a bit boring,''

''I think I'm gonna go over to Cris' later, to make it up to him. I've been a real jerk lately,''  
''That sounds like a plan Benz, let me know how it went okay?''

''I will,''

''Promise me? I don't wanna see you disappearing on me again, I kinda missed our conversations Karim,'' Mesut admitted and Karim wished he was close enough to give his friend a hug.

''I promise, besides: I missed you as well. It's really good to talk to you,''  
''I know right? But can we turn the bromance level down a little bit, I need to go home and babysit my niece,'' Mesut grinned.

''Okay give her a kiss from me, and thanks, truly,''  
''Anytime Benzi and I will speak to you soon,''

''See you Mes,''  
''Adios Karim,'' Mesut waved at him with a big smile before the screen turned dark.

Karim switched his phone off and stared at the screen. It was four in the afternoon.

He knew that Cristiano was taking his siesta every day around this time and that he shouldn't wake him, but his conversation with Mesut had silenced a lot of rational voices that lived inside of his head.

He needed to see him, he no longer had the heart to wait until later that night before he came over.  
So he called Pepe and asked to borrow the key to Cris' house.

Pepe had been reluctant to hand it out to him, but eventually complied when Karim assured him that he had his feelings all worked out and needed to talk to Cris about it.

Also, Cris had broken into his house with Marcelo's key a while ago and therefore had earned a little payback.

Karim stepped inside of his Mercedes and drove the short distance to Cristiano's house. He used the code at the gate and let himself in, parking his car on the driveway and opening the door to the quiet house using Pepe's keychain.

Suddenly when he stepped inside a chilly feeling crept over him.

This seemed like a good impulsive idea at first, but what if Cris would get angry at him for bursting in like this?

For invading his privacy and interrupting his precious beauty sleep.  
He knew that Cris Junior would still be at school and that the house would be vacant at this time.

He almost turned around to leave but he could hear Mesut talking in the back of his head. ''Don't be me,'' it echoed repeatedly.

Karim swallowed hard and took a deep breath to steady himself.

As he snuck up the spotless clean stairs his heart hammered mercilessly in his chest. What the fuck was he doing?  
This was _never_ going to end well.

But somehow his legs seemed to have a mindset of their own and kept moving further up the stairs until they reached the top. Karim had only been in Cris' home a couple of times but he never been upstairs before.

There were a lot of rooms nearby but he had no clue as to which one was Cristiano's.

Most of them were open so he peeked inside of them but didn't find his friend.

At the last door of the hallway he halted. It was the only door that had been closed.

His hands shivered as they reached up the door handle and opened it as slowly as possible.

A sleeping bare chested Cris finally appeared in his sight.  
The mocha colored curtains were closed but the sunlight was coming through them, illuming the god like figure in the bed.

Cristiano's hair was finally unleashed from the oceans of gel and were plastered around his face into a firm blanket of curls.

He was lying on his side with his arm curled under his head and his jaw was dangling open, revealing a small drop of drool that dangled down slowly. Karim couldn't help but stare at the mesmerizing sight of his friend.

He was absolutely stunning.

Karim had never seen Cris like this. So pure and vulnerable.

This was the _real_ Cristiano, he realized. The one who had almost been raped as a child, the one who had insecurities and doubts.

The other one was a mere mask to hide who he really was, so that he couldn't get hurt anymore.

This was a person with human emotions like everybody else.

And in that seemingly insignificant moment Karim fell a little more in love with Cristiano.

Because now he finally understood what made them fit together so well.

This side of Cris was one he could actually relate to. A side he could _love_ more than he could ever love his mask.

He couldn't help himself. He needed to be closer to Cristiano.

He didn't even care if he was going to hell anymore, whether he would throw everything away by starting a relationship with him.

He needed this. Needed him like lungs need to be filled with air.

Slowly he pulled his jacket off and folded it on a chair near the bed, knowing that Cris would kill him if he would mess up his room. He lowered himself onto the blanket as quiet as he could but the pressure on the mattress awoke Cristiano.

He groaned confused and when he opened his brown eyes his jaw fell even further open at the sight of who was in his bed.  
''Benz? What-how?''

''I'm sorry I'm bursting in like this, I borrowed a key from Pepe, so that's how I got in. I'm sorry for that. But I need to tell you something and it can't wait,'' Karim blurted out and Cristiano's eyes softened a little as he wiped the drool off his jaw with the back of his hand and threw another hand through his messy curls.

''All right, I'm listening,''

''I'm really sorry for scaring you,'' Karim offered but Cris shrugged a little and winked. ''It's okay, don't worry about it. There are far worse people to wake up next to,''

Karim resisted the urge to say 'someone like Mesut you mean?' and nodded friendly. Sometimes it was better to hold your tongue.  
Words were permanent.

Instead Karim slipped a little closer to Cris, closing the distance between them and clasped onto his friend's hand with his own, while the other somehow found its way to Cris' insanely soft curls.

Karim had to resist a moan when he was finally able to run his hand through the lovely curls that lingered around his fingers.

''So what do you want to tell me?'' Cris asked after a long and comfortable silence where nothing happened besides Karim's fingers mapping through Cris' hair and their eyes meeting every now and then.

Karim clasped his free hand on Cris' cheek and locked their eyes together. He inhaled deep and mustered all of his courage.

_''I'm in love with you,''_

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Pipita, Chori and Calleti are Higuain, Albiol and Callejon, who now play for Napoli. 
> 
> Let me know what you guys think! 
> 
> I hope it's realistic like this, but I don't see Karim just abandoning his believes because of his feelings. His family and his religion mean a lot to him. 
> 
> Hope I'm getting all of this right, seeing how I'm not religious at all myself.


	5. In your arms I'm reborn.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few months later, many things have changed in Karim and Cristiano's lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's finally finished. 
> 
> It has been a fun ride, making this story. I hope it was nice for all of you and that you like the way I ended this.  
> Hope it was realistic enough.

_Madrid, May 31st. 2016_

 

 

 

 

_''I'm in love with you,''_

Karim often found himself thinking about that exact moment, many months afterward. How he had virtually broken into Cristiano's house, sneaked up the stairs and slipped into his bed without an invitation.

He could still remember the stunned look on Cristiano's face when he had told him the truth.

The utter amazement and the unbelieving expression that resided in his eyes.  
As if Cris couldn't quite believe it himself.

That his feelings truly _were_ mutual.

That Karim could actually love him as well. In that moment, Karim had found himself wondering about how insecure Cristiano truly was.

He hid it pretty well, but when you learned to read his expressions and emotions it wasn't that hard to understand how _lonely_ he truly was. How much he doubted everything he did on a daily basis.

The world's best player was as insecure about everything like Karim had always been.

The thought had nearly made Karim's heart ache with sadness.

Cris' jaw had faltered and he had blinked repeatedly, making Karim anxious with his silence. ''Can you please say something, _anything_. You're making me nervous,'' he had begged.

Cristiano had smiled at him then, eyes filled with love and admiration. ''What made you change your mind about us,'' he had asked, as his fingers made their way to Karim's warm cheek, resting there peacefully.

''Mesut honestly. I talked to him about all of this and I realized that I didn't want to end up like him.  
Pining over someone when I really don't _have_ to do that. He has no choice in that matter, but I do. And I choose to be happy, regardless of what my family thinks about it. I cannot end up like that, lonely and miserable over someone who I can be with if I just grew some balls.  
I'm _choosing_ not be lonely.  
And yes I'm taking a risk, a giant one actually. I might end up losing my family if I choose you. That is the terrifying reality.  
But if they truly love me they will understand. I _need_ you, that's all I really know for sure right now.  
The rest of the world can go screw themselves. As long as I'm here with you, I don't care about anything else. You make me feel alive and I'm not willing to give up on that feeling. I want you to be mine,'' Karim choked out, pulling Cris in so that their chests touched.

Their arms were wrapped tightly around one another and Karim rested his forehead against Cris'.

He saw tears gleaming in Cristiano's eyes. ''I _am_ yours Karim, have been for quite some time now. But I never would have thought-'' Karim cut his words off with a searing kiss to Cris' lips.

He heard the Portuguese gasp in surprise and he could have sworn he felt a tear land on his neck. It wasn't his.

The depth of the kiss nearly convinced Karim that he was floating around in the clouds.

It made him feel so much that he could barely contain himself. He felt as if he would combust in a puddle of love.

His hands roamed through Cristiano's curls again and he groaned when his fingers connected with the softness of the strains.

How could someone's _hair_ make him feel so much desire? It was insane.

Their heated kisses had led to the best sex he had ever had in his life. Cris had demanded that Karim would be on top once again and this time Karim remembered everything.

Nothing had ever felt better.

During the weeks afterward they had slowly built up a life together, but it had been quite hard at first.

Their cultural differences, and totally opposite ideas of parenting were causing some problems and misunderstandings. Cristiano had quite the temper, while Karim was mostly calm and collected.

That sometimes bothered Cristiano, that Karim felt like he made too big of a deal about everything, when he merely needed to vent about something that bugged him. Karim learned early on that _patience_ was the key element in their relationship.

He needed to be patient with his partner.

Cristiano felt many emotions and he had the need to talk about everything that bothered him. Karim mostly kept to himself, which also led to issues whenever Cris discovered that he hadn't talked to him about the things that were bothering him.

That could resolved into a heated debate but they always figured it out, mostly due to Karim's steady personality. He always managed to soothe Cristiano afterward and they always made up. Besides, Cris had never been very talented at holding grudges against the people he loved.

After two months they had decided to tell their family's about their relationship.

Cristiano's mother, brother and sisters took the news really well, seeing how they'd always known that their son and brother was clearly bisexual, but Karim's family was a bit more difficult.

He had taken Mesut's advice and told his sisters about it first. Who had -as Mesut had predicted-taken the news fairly well.

After them he had told his brothers the news. Who had mocked him about it, teasing him relentlessly ever since, but hadn't cut him off as he had expected them to do.

His parents however, were another story.

He had brought Cristiano with him for support when he had told them, holding onto his hand tightly as he broke the news to them.

His father had sat there like a statue and his mother had cried a lot.

Asking Allah where she had gone wrong that her son had turned out to be gay.

He could still feel the comforting weight of Cristiano's hand in his own, giving him the strength that he needed to get through it. When his father had finally found his voice after a long and thick silence, he told him to get the hell out of his house and to never return.

Cris had wrapped his arm around him tightly and led him toward the door.

Karim felt hot tears stinging in his eyes as the rejection gnawed at his heart.

When they were nearly at the door his mother's voice interrupted their steps. ''Wait Karim!''

He had turned hopefully toward her and waited. She rose to her feet and embraced him tightly. ''He'll come around, I _promise_. You will always be my son and I will always love you,'' she had whispered in his ear.

Then she had turned to Cristiano, hugging him tightly. ''Take care of my son, he will need you. Have him call me will you?'' she asked and Cristiano nodded. ''I will,''  
They had left the house and Karim's father had been silent for three months after that day.

Until, on a day in March, he suddenly showed up on Karim's doorstep.

It was merely bad luck that Cristiano was the one who had answered the door, making his father flinch and nearly turn around to leave.

''I wish to speak to my son,'' he had gritted through his teeth, and Cris had quickly stepped aside to let Karim's father in. ''Of course, please come in,'' Cristiano had said politely.

Karim had felt all the color leaving his cheeks as he saw his father entering his living room. ''Dad? What are you-''  
''I came to see you. It's been a long time Karim,''

''Please sit,'' Cris offered with a gesture to Karim's couch.

Karim's father did and Cris brought him some coffee before he sat down beside Karim. Their knees brushed together but Cris clearly didn't dare to take Karim's hand in front of his father.

Karim however found himself not caring about his father's opinion and felt so nervous that he needed to touch Cris. So he took his hand into his own and held it tight, entwining their fingers.

His father stared at it, but didn't comment on it, which Karim took as a victory.

''So dad, _why_ are you here?'' Karim asked, as his heart pounding in his throat. His father had flown in all the way from France, meaning that it would probably be important.

His father scraped his throat. ''Well your mother and your sisters have talked to me for months about you, tormenting me about how a father should never walk away from his son. They've been making me feel guilty about-what happened.  
And while I will never agree with what you two are doing, I don't want to miss out on my son's life, or my granddaughter's for that matter. I want to see Melia grow up, as I watched you grow into the man you are today.  
I don't approve of you being with him, but I've realized that it isn't in my power to do anything about it. If you are happy, then I will be happy for you. As long as I can have my son back. Will you forgive me for what I did to you?''

Karim had frowned critically, eyeing his father sharply. ''This is mom talking isn't it? She convinced you to say all this,''

His father's face turned crimson. ''How dare you! I came on my own accord. You can call your mother right now if you don't believe me. She didn't even know where I was going when I left for the airport,''

''Karim, _calm_ down,'' Cristiano soothed, placing a little more grip onto Karim's trembling hand.

''Swear it,'' Karim spat.  
''I swear it son,'' his father obliged.

Karim saw no lies in his father's eyes and decided to forgive him.

He embraced him tight and his father had ended up at their dinner table, enjoying some home made stew that Cris had cooked.

He considered it progress when he found his father in the kitchen the morning after, chatting with Cris, a deep smile lingering on his lips. When he left he greeted the both of them kindly and somehow Karim knew that everything would be all right between him and his family.

A few days ago they had won La Undecima after a heated, complicated game against Atletico Madrid. Their oldest enemy.

When they had celebrated the win on Cibeles, Cris was barely able to contain himself around Karim, constantly dancing behind him, touching him quite publicly, much to Karim's annoyance.

He was glad that Cris felt free to flaunt his love around people, for he took it as a sign that he was proud of him, but nonetheless, their relationship had to stay a secret.  
Nobody outside of the team or their family's could know about it.

He knew that it was bothering Cris, to keep it all so hidden, and truth be told; it bothered him as well. To never be able to walk the streets of Madrid holding hands, or to share a kiss in public. But this was the simple reality of their lives.

They were public figures and they would have to keep it all a secret. They both hated it, but it was just the way it was. 

Today, Karim found himself in Cristiano's bedroom, packing their suitcases for the flight to Ibiza.

They were going with two separate private planes, to avoid suspicion, but were going to stay in the same hotel.

Not sharing a room obviously, but booking two adjacent rooms.

To whomever would curious about why they would be going together, they would simply tell that they were close friends going on holidays because their kids were also good friends.

Cristiano was busy folding a pair of jeans into his suitcase, eyeing Karim sheepishly when he caught him staring. ''What?'' he grinned.

Karim slipped closer to him and kissed his lips briefly. ''Nothing, I'm just happy. You always look so sweet when you're folding your clothes. I can nearly hear your brain working on whatever you fear you're forgetting,''

''Papa, Cris took my Barbie!'' Melia shrieked, arms folded into her sides.

Karim rolled his eyes at Cristiano, pecked his cheek and stepped into her bedroom, staring at their children who were seated on Melia's _Frozen_ princess bed. ''Cris, where did you hide it?'' Karim asked the dark haired boy.

''I don't have it uncle Karim, I swear,'' Cristiano Junior said innocently, his big chocolate brown eyes gleaming with guilt however.

''Yes you do, you always have it stashed away somewhere. Come on, you know she can't sleep without it.  
We're leaving for Ibiza in three hours, so you better find it before that time otherwise you can stay home. No excuses,'' Karim chided sternly. ''And don't you roll your eyes at me young man,'' he added when the little boy stared arrogantly at him. ''Say your sorry Cris,''

''To who?'' Cris asked, unimpressed.

''To me! For being disrespectful. And to Melia, for hiding her things-again!'' Karim threatened.

Cris snorted cockily for a moment but regained his senses and turned to Melia. ''Sorry,'' he said, not sounding very sorry, as he fished the Barbie from under her mattress, handing it over.

She snatched it out of his hands with a furious expression in her brown eyes and stormed out of her room, clearly not ready to forgive the little boy just yet.  
''Anything you want to say to me?'' Karim quipped as he folded his arms together.

Cris gestured him to lean in closer. Karim fell to his knees and waited. ''Sorry uncle Karim,''

Karim didn't believe a word of his apology but wasn't in the mood for another argument. He embraced little Cris and held him tight for a second.

''It's okay, thank you for apologizing. Now did you pack all of your toys like I asked you?''  
''I think so, but maybe you should check it on daddy's list,''

Ah the list. With Cristiano there would _always_ be a list.

He was such an OCD-like neat freak that he made lists of everything. He even kept a list on the refrigerator, keeping score on how well their kids were behaving.

When they did something right, they got a gold star.

If they picked a fight or were rude to them, they got a sad smiley and a mild punishment.

Cristiano Junior had taken a long time to get used to his father having a relationship with a man. He had rebelled against them for many months before Karim had suggested that they needed to do something about it.

So Cristiano had come up with the list, which worked sometimes, but little Cris was a stubborn child, who lacked a lot of discipline in his education. Karim often though that Cristiano had raised him far too leniently.

The little boy used to get away with pretty much anything.

A complete opposite of how Karim was raised himself.  
His parents had been very strict and had given him lots of boundaries, which he had appreciated.

But telling Cristiano that his parenting skill were lacking a certain strictness had not exactly been a walk in the park. It had caused a huge fight, leading to Cristiano kicking him out of his house and ignoring him for four days.

He hadn't even talked to him on the training field, or on the pitch. It had made Karim utterly miserable, to be so ignored by his lover.

After four days however, Cris suddenly appeared on his doorstep, begging him to forgive him, tears shining in his eyes.

Karim had taken him inside instantly and held onto him tight, already forgiving him for he could never stay angry at Cris when he looked that distraught.

The only upside to their fights was the insanely amazing make up sex that followed afterward. That _nearly_ made the pain worth it.

Cris appeared in the doorway, staring at his son and his partner. ''Everything all right in here?''

''Cris why don't you take your suitcase downstairs,'' Karim suggested and to his own surprise, the boy obeyed him instantly.

''Were you arguing with him again?'' Cristiano asked sharply.  
Karim folded his arms together once again, taking in a defensive position. ''No, I was not. He was merely sidestepping the rules, so I corrected him for it,''

''You know that I don't like it when you do that Karim,''

''I know, but we have talked about this Cris. He needs a firmer hand than you are willing to give him. He was nearly making Melia cry by hiding her stuff from her, once again. So I told him to give it back otherwise he couldn't go with us to Ibiza,''

''You said what?!'' Cris snapped.

''You heard me,''

''I don't like it when you _extort_ him like that Karim, you know that,''

''I realize that very well, yes. But we agreed that I would be involved in his life as your partner, therefore I have a right to chide him when he is misbehaving, as well as you have that right when it comes to Melia. I love Cris, you know that. I would guard him with my life if I had to. But you said yes to this combined family, as well as I did. We agreed that we would always be permitted to correct each other's kids when it was needed.  
Trust me: I had no choice. And no, I didn't like doing it because I love that little guy with all my heart. I love him like he's my own son.  
But he lacks discipline.  
Which is why we're such a great team, we compliment one another so well. What I lack, you have and visa versa. I'm sorry that you feel like I've been too hard on him, I really do. But I was merely trying to teach him not to be rude,'' Karim said calmly, as he plastered a kiss to Cris' soft cheek, tugging him in closer.

Cris let him, placing his forehead against Karim's. ''I know, it's just, I feel like a failure as a father. Like I've spoiled him rotten to compensate for my own poor childhood. And I'm afraid that your hard hand is confusing him or something,''

''It _is_ confusing him, but he's also testing the waters to see if we stick to our guns. He's seeing how far he can go because he's one really clever kid. But you haven't failed as a parent Cris. You are a great father, loving and caring and I adore how you treat both our kids. I wish I was more like you sometimes, honestly,'' Karim admitted.

Cristiano smiled deep and kissed him fiercely, holding him tight. ''I love you,'' he murmured when he released Karim.

''I love you as well,''

''Let's get ready to leave,''

''Are we okay?'' Karim asked, chewing nervously on his lower lip. Nothing would ruin their vacation more than a fight.

''We're great love, don't worry,'' Cris winked.

Five hours later they were laying on their private beach in Ibiza, as the sun set. They had put the children down for a nap and to both of their surprises, they had insisted on sharing a bed.

Melia was cuddled up against Cristiano Junior's back, her little arm draped over his stomach.

Cris had snuggled onto the same chair as Karim and had tangled their arms and legs together. His head was resting on Karim's chest, occasionally pressing kisses to his neck and his collarbone.

Karim's arms stroked lazily over his lover's back, enjoying the smoothness of his sun-kissed skin.

There were no more words left.

They had said them all.

As the sun set over the water, Cristiano fell asleep, his lips pressed to Karim's chin.

Karim smiled and kissed his lover's temple. He was _happy_.

With Cristiano, he was home.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_The end._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think you guys. I love hearing your opinions. 
> 
> Thank you all for the support during this story. And for all the kudos and comments. <3


End file.
